Dead On Arrival

| San Jose, CA, USA | Right | July 4, 2014

(My husband and I are flying on a late Friday evening flight on a major air carrier and have just pushed back from the gate when the plane stops. We sit for less than five minutes when the pilot comes on the intercom and announces that we would be delayed slightly.)

Pilot: “I thought I saw something odd with one of our engines as we started to pull out. It’s probably nothing, but we want to check it to make sure. It will be just a few minutes, folks.”

(At this point, the passenger behind us, who is dressed in a business suit, starts making comments.)

Passenger: “I hate this f****** airline! I’ve been late twice in the past few months, and they can’t ever get their act together. Now we’re going to be late again. They need to get this f****** show on the road!”

(Less than ten minutes go by, with the passenger behind us swearing and commenting loudly and rudely to the man next to him, as well as calling a couple of people on his cell phone and roundly abusing the airline in very foul-mouthed language. Then the pilot comes on the com again.)

Pilot: “Folks, we’re spraying gas from our number two engine, and I’ve called the mechanic to come look at it and see if it’s serious, or is something that can be fixed. I’m afraid there will be about a half hour delay while we determine what’s going on with the engine.”

(At this point, the obnoxious passenger behind us calls one of the flight attendants over and starts ranting.)

Passenger: “Your f****** airline is such a piece of s***! I’ve been working hard for two days and I need to get home to my wife, and now this f****** flight is delayed! My time is valuable, you know!”

Attendant: “I’m very sorry, sir. We prefer to be safe, and hopefully it will be something that is easy to fix.”

Passenger: “Yeah, always excuses! You people are such a bunch of f***-ups. My wife is going to be livid when she finds out we’re delayed! Get that f****** mechanic out there now, and get this plane moving! That f****** pilot is making me late! I’ve got places to be!”

Attendant: “Everyone on this plane has somewhere to be, sir. I daresay that the pilot would like nothing better than to be done with this flight and getting to bed. I and the rest of the crew would like to be getting through with this flight and going off to bed, as well. I’m going to be late going home to my own family.”

Passenger: “I’m an important businessman, and I need to get home! Your screw-up is what’s the problem, and I’m going to file a complaint against this f****** airline! Who cares about you, anyway? You’re just a bunch of pathetic losers who work for a f***-up airline. I’m never going to fly with your f****** airline again, because I won’t get in until after midnight at this rate! Thanks for screwing up the start of my weekend, a**hole! You can take your f****** airline and shove it!”

(My husband, at this point, has had enough, and stands up to glower down at the obnoxious businessman. I’ve rarely seen him angry, but when he finally reaches that point, he can be intimidating.)

Husband: “Look, this airplane has a mechanical problem, and the crew are doing everything they can to resolve it. Stop acting like an a-hole to the attendant, because he’s in the same boat we all are. And I’m SICK of listening to you whine and swear about how you’re going to be late. Fine, we’re all going to be late. I would rather be late landing in our destination than end up DEAD wherever we land when the PLANE FALLS OUT OF THE SKY when the ENGINE SELF-DESTRUCTS! GOT IT? Good!”

(The attendant smiled and a couple other passengers flashed a thumbs-up at my husband. The obnoxious passenger got very quiet from there on out. The engine turned out to have a serious problem. We exited the plane shortly after the mechanic took a look at the engine, and the airline found us another aircraft. We were several hours late, but we didn’t hear from the obnoxious guy again, because my husband was right. Better to arrive in the middle of the night than not arrive at all!)

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The Perfect Attitude For Altitude

| UK | Working | May 14, 2014

(It is the very beginning of a three-hour flight.)

Pilot: *over PA* “And to all the children onboard this flight: on behalf of your parents, we are nearly there and we will be nearly there for the remainder of the flight. Thank you.”

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Wishes He Could Back Up The Conversation

, | Denver, CO, USA | Right | April 18, 2014

(I work in our airline’s IT dept. One of our guys is finishing his shift and passes a task on to me to delete a user’s Windows profile when the user is not busy. I noticed this user has an assigned network drive with a shortcut to it on his desktop so I figure he knows how to use it.)

Me: “So, I’m gonna remove your profile from the registry and then delete your profile folder. This will delete everything you have. Do you have all of your important documents backed up?”

User: “Yeah, it’s all good. Go ahead and delete it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I delete his profile’s registry entry and then go to delete his folder. I notice he has about 3GB of data as it builds its list to delete.)

Me: “It seems you have three gigs of data in your profile. Just want to make sure everything that you need is backed up, because it will all be gone.”

User: “Yeah. It’s good, man. Do what you gotta do.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I let the delete finish and then restart the computer.)

User: “So, the files that were on my desktop, where do I go to get those back?”

Me: “The files on your desktop? You told me you backed everything up, so they have been deleted.”

User: “I’m not very savvy with computers. I don’t know what ‘backup’ means.”

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Plucking An Answer Out Of The Air

| Orlando, FL, USA | Working | April 12, 2014

(I have just finished visiting my friends and have arrived at the airport for my return flight to Washington Dulles. I get up to the airline greeter who is standing at the entrance of the line.)

Greeter: *rudely* “Sir, you need to place that carry-on in this slot to confirm the size.”

Me: “Oh, this is my return trip, I already know it fits.”

Greeter: “That doesn’t matter. Put the bag in.”

(I do as asked.)

Greeter: *shocked* “It fits. Where are you flying to?”

Me: “D.C.”

Greeter: *scoffs* “There are two airports in D.C. We only fly to one of them.”

Me: *shocked look* “Washington Dulles.”

Greeter: “That is the one we fly to.”

(As I am walking away to go to the counter I turn around.)

Me: “There are actually three airports in the D.C. area.”

(I got better service from the TSA agents!)

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Keeping Sense At Arm’s Length

| Geneva, Switzerland | Working | February 16, 2014

(My mother has broken an arm during her vacation, and will need help to get her suitcase off the luggage carrousel and out the airport at arrival. I’m calling the airline to ask for it since she can’t do it from where she is.)

Me: “Hello. My mum is coming back Tuesday on [flight] from Zurich to Geneva and she’s broken her arm. Is there any way I can get into the luggage zone to help her with her suitcase?”

Airline Rep: “No, Madam. It’s completely impossible. We can offer wheelchair assistance though.”

Me: Okay, but it’s her arm that’s broken, not her leg.”

Airline Rep: “Madam, it’s a wheelchair or nothing.”

Me: “Okay, then. We’d like assistance at Geneva, please.”

Airline Rep: “I’ve booked it in Zurich and Geneva.”

Me: “But she doesn’t need it in Zurich. She won’t even have her suitcase there. She’s coming back from Sydney via Singapore & Zurich.”

Airline Rep: “It’s all booked, madam. Thank you and goodbye.”

(Guess who had to tell Mum she’d be wheeled around in two airports for just a broken arm!)

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