Extreme Jumping To Conclusions

| The Netherlands | Right | November 12, 2014

(As an airline employee, you are eligible for staff travel. The airline I work for has the rule that you can only travel if there is a seat available at the gate. We are in Spain, and we already know that the flight is pretty full. We also know that the aircraft is a Boeing 747, and on such a short flight (a little over two hours) there is the minimum required crew on board, so there are multiple jump seats (flight attendant seats) empty. The colleagues decide to take us home on a jump seat. We are moved to different jump seats during the flight, because we are in the way in the pantry and in the aisles during the dinner and beverage service. The passengers see us walking through the aisle with our belongings several times.)

Passenger: “Hey… what is going on? Are they moving you again?”

Me: *joking* “Yeah, they have just found out they don’t have a seat for us after all, so they are now taking us to the back to give us a parachute…”

Passenger: *shocked* “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That is terrible!”

(We sit down in the back pantry and have a good laugh with the colleagues.)

Me: “Did she think I was serious? If so, she is pretty gullible!”

(After landing, we see the concerned passenger at baggage reclaim. She comes up to me, all cheerful and happy.)

Passenger: “Oh, how wonderful! You made it to Amsterdam! They let you stay on board after all!”

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So Fly Me To Home, Where The Samurai Gnome

| PA, USA | Working | October 14, 2014

(I’m taking a short flight from Philly to Pittsburgh to visit my girlfriend. The flight is on Halloween, and we’re going straight from the airport to the party and so I’m already dressed in my outfit. I’m dressed as an elaborate Samurai. Despite my somewhat bizarre dress, I don’t encounter any resistance going through airport security until I’m boarding the plane itself when suddenly…)

Stewardess #1: “Oh… oh. One second.”

(She runs off, seeming somewhat flustered, but soon comes back holding a tiny toy treasure gnome.)

Stewardess #1: “Would you mind if we took your picture with our travel gnome?”

Me: “Uh… no. Not at all. Go right ahead.”

Stewardess #1: “Yay!”

(Three stewardesses gather around while I hold up their ‘travel gnome’ and another one takes a picture of all of us. Apparently one of them had seen the movie ‘Amélie’ and gotten a toy gnome to be their plane mascot. I was the only one in costume on the whole flight, and they had to get a picture with the Samurai.)

Stewardess #2: *after I’m seated* “Thank you so much for that. Can I get you a free drink?”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s okay.”

Stewardess #2: “No, you don’t understand. Our plane LOVES our travel gnome. I’d love to get you a drink on the house.”

Me: “Oh. Well, in that case, a rum and coke, maybe?”

Stewardess #2: “Absolutely!”

(And so for playing with the gnome I got a free drink to help pass the short plane ride.)

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Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 4

, | Dublin, Ireland | Right | September 19, 2014

(A customer calls to book a flight from London to Berlin. The aircraft assigned for that route had recently been changed from a jet-engine to a propeller plane. I am required to inform passengers when booking the flight.)

Customer: “A propeller plane? But if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!”

(I was momentarily silenced as I tried to work out how this wasn’t also true for the jet aircraft. The passenger eventually decided to chance it and booked the flight.)


Flights Of Fancy

| South Africa | Working | July 15, 2014

(I am a pilot. On this particular overseas flight, a very common route, about 90% of the flight is over the ocean. An air hostess comes in with my breakfast.)

Hostess: “Good morning. Ooh, it’s quite bright in here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah. Good weather today.”

Hostess: *leaning over to look out of the cockpit window* “Oh, wow, we’re over the ocean!”

(She puts down my breakfast and leaves the cockpit. My co-pilot and I look at each other.)

Co-Pilot: “Did she just say what I think she said?”

Me: “Yeah. For a moment I wasn’t sure I heard that right, either. If we weren’t over the ocean, I would be seriously concerned about where we were going to end up!”

You’re Not In Kansas Anymore

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | July 14, 2014

(I work as a supervisor taking calls. In my center, I have the highest authority on the phones. My name is common in Spain, Greece, and India.)

Coworker: “I don’t know what this customer wants. She requested a supervisor, got me, and said I wasn’t good enough to handle the problem.”

Me: “Okay, send her through.” *transfers* “Hello, ma’am. My name is [My Name]. I’m the supervisor on duty, and would like to know how I can help.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor.”

Me: “I apologize. I’m unable to transfer you to anyone else. I am the top tier of support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to someone in the United States.”

Me: “We only have call centers in the continental US. I’m located in Texas, and am waiting to know how I can assist with what you were calling about.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I am from India. You sound like me. You’re from India and the law says if I ask to speak with someone in the US that you have to transfer me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have never heard of such a law. I’m physically unable to transfer you to anyone else, and have been patiently waiting to know how to assist you. Please let me help you with the reason you called, or I will have to end this call.”

Customer: “Transfer me to who I was speaking with before.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I can not transfer you anywhere else. Now, either tell me what I can do to help, or you can call back if you no longer wish to speak with me, as I can’t transfer you. Fair warning, though. We currently have a 30 minute hold time.”

Customer: “I would like to know what time I leave tomorrow.”

Me: “You depart at 0430, and land at 0625. What is your next request?”

Customer: “That was all.” *click*

(Exhausted with dealing with the caller, I look over to the only other person who has the same level of authority that I do.)

Colleague: “Aren’t you the one who everyone always confuses with the recorded message because you have such a generic sounding accent?”

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