Just Ran Over (Very) Big Bird

| Right | March 16, 2016

(I am a flight attendant. Whilst turbulence sometimes happens, this flight was actually very smooth. One customer seems to think otherwise.)

Customer: *sounding slightly stressed* “Why is it so bumpy; it’s so very, very bumpy!”

Me: “Oh, we just ran over a bird.”

(Customer looked out of the window to try and spot the poor bird, even though we were at 35,000ft. I walked away before she worked it out…)

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Seat Location Scores A ‘D’

| Right | December 16, 2015

(I am a flight attendant and covering the rear doors on a large aircraft during boarding to help customers settle in. Seats are fairly simply set out using ABC-DEFG-HJK layout. A customer calls me from the far aisle.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s 38E?”

Me: “The seats are in alphabetical, so ‘E’ would be that one.”

(I point and smile, counting through the alphabet so he can see exactly which seats are which.)

Customer: *pointing to 38D* “so is it this one?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, no. It’s the one next to it. There’s also a diagram of the row on the overhead locker with the seats’ letters.”

(The customer nods and begins to sit in the wrong seat so I help him by patting the correct seat over the aisle, by the time I get back to my door at the rear of the aircraft two gentlemen are laughing between themselves.)

Gentleman #1: “I think your explanation was idiot proof…”

Gentleman #2: “But obviously people check their brains with their luggage!”

Me: “I’m so glad I’m not the only one that sometimes thinks that!”

(Those gents made my flight and I made sure they got some extra bits for making a painful flight bearable!)

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That Doesn’t Fly With Me

| Working | November 29, 2015

(I am waiting at O’Hare Airport for my flight. The airline in question was and is notorious for labor problems and cancelling flights for no good reason.)

Airline Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your flight has been cancelled.”

Me: “Oh, NO! Not again! Why was it cancelled this time?”

Airline Employee: “Because of the bad weather outside.”

Me: *looks outside, sees a beautiful clear blue sky* “The… weather?”

Airline Employee: *looks back at me calmly* “That’s right. Our pilots can’t fly in this. It’s not safe!”

Me: “…”

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Anything Goes Except Everything

, | Right | October 20, 2015

(I work as a sales agent for an airline.)

Me: “[Airline], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “We’d like to go for a holiday somewhere.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. What did you have in mind?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something would be nice.”

Me: “Okay, would you prefer a city destination or rather a beach destination?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Anything goes.”

Me: “Okay, how long a trip you were thinking? A weekend trip or maybe a longer trip, a week perhaps?”

Customer: “Well, anything goes.”

Me: *getting a bit frustrated already, but still trying something to start with* “Okay, do you have in mind when you’d like go for the trip?”

Customer: “Not really. Anything goes.”

Me: *frustrated, but still very polite* “Okay, how about you go for a nice weekend to Stockholm next weekend?”

Customer: “Well, actually we had a bit longer trip in mind and to some bit warmer destination. With a beach. And it has to be in September because that’s when we have our vacation.”

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Twenty Year Punchline

| Friendly | October 7, 2015

(I do contract work for two guys who run a small company. One is a native Swede. The three of us are having a business lunch. The other partner says something about him being Swedish.)

Me: “Hey, [Swedish Owner], tell us a Swedish joke.”

Swedish Owner: *after a short pause tells us a joke in Swedish, then silence follows*

Other Owner: “Okay, what’s that mean?”

Swedish Owner: “Okay, we have a sort of redneck culture in Sweden that is the butt of many jokes. Two girls in the culture are bored. One says, ‘What shall we do today?’ The other says ‘Let’s go see the American ships at the harbor.’ ‘Good idea,’ says the other. They go to the harbor and start climbing up the rope ladder to one of the ships. The girl below looks up and says, ‘Helga! You’re not wearing any panties!’ Helga says, ‘You don’t put cotton in your ears when you go to a concert, do you?'”

(20 years later, I’m a successful programmer, entrepreneur and teacher… and 1500 miles from where I knew these owners. I’m teaching a private class at a major airline. I’ve gone through two security checkpoints to get to the building where I’m teaching. In the lobby, I see a man lounging. I do a double-take. Can’t be, but I ask:)

Me: “[Swedish Owner]?”

Swedish Owner: “Yes?” *looks at me suspiciously*

Me: “It’s me! Do you remember me? 20 years ago? Kid programmer?”

Swedish Owner: *looks closer* “Yes, wow.”

Me: “What are you doing here? Do you work here?”

Swedish Owner: “No, I’m working for [Airline] in France. I was just passing through.

I’m surprised you remember me.”

Me: “I could never forget the Swedish joke!”

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