Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Right | February 25, 2017

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

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The Landing Went Down The Toilet

| Right | December 12, 2016

(I am a cabin crew member in economy class, preparing for landing. We are all set and waiting for the captain to announce our landing position, when suddenly an elderly passenger, in the last row, gets up to use the lavatory.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sir, we will be landing soon. The lavatory can no longer be used at this moment.”

Passenger: “I need to use the toilet now!” *shoves his way past me and into the lavatory*

(I have to inform the crew in charge about the situation so that the captain will not make the landing. After the passenger comes out from the lavatory and quietly goes back to his seat, the captain proceeds to make a safe landing. When the aircraft is on ground and passengers are getting up to exit the aircraft, the same passenger comes up to my face.)

Passenger: “You are very rude! No one had ever done that to me. Do you know I have the contact to your company’s president? I have his number right here on my mobile!”

Me: “Sir, it was for your own safety. And if you like to report me to the president, please go ahead. This is my name.”

Passenger: “What if I peed right here in the aircraft?”

Me: “Sir, it was for your safety. You could have gone before we were ready for landing or after landing.”

Passenger: “Kamu orang China bodoh!” *speaking in Bahasa Indonesia, translation: “You stupid China people.”*

Me: “Saya bukan orang China. Saya orang Indonesia. Ini untuk keselamatan bapak.” *me replying to him in Bahasa Indonesia, translation: “I am not from China. I am from Indonesia. I am doing so for your safety, sir”*

(Stumped at my reply, he quickly tried to exit the aircraft while at the same time yelling in Bahasa Indonesia: “Rude, stupid people!”)

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You’re An A**-Hole In Every Language

| Right | December 8, 2016

(I work in a complaints department for an airline based in the UK. We fly to hundreds of airports all over the world. This call comes through from an Italian gentleman who is irate from the beginning.)

Me: “Good morning, [Airline]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve been on hold for twenty f****** minutes! I just need to know why my refund hasn’t gone through!”

Me: “I’m sorry you were kept waiting, sir. We’ve been very busy today. Let me check if the refund has been processed yet. Do you know the amount and what it was for?”

Customer: “You’re not sorry at all; you’re just paid to say that! You English are all the same, thinking you can be polite and it will let you get away with treating your customers terribly!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed after a long morning being shouted at* “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. I’m trying to help you. Could you tell me what the refund you’re due is for?”

Customer: *grumbling* “I didn’t get the seat I paid for on my flight to Hong Kong last week! You promised it would be in my account by now and it’s not! I had to sit at the back of first class near the business-class people!”

Me: “Okay, let me see what happened.”

(I look through the transaction history for this flight. The total amount he spent on the flight was upwards of £8,000 and the total amount he would be due for a refund is £20. I scroll down and see that the amount was refunded to his credit card three days ago.)

Me: “Sir, I see on my system here that the £20 was refunded to your card ending **** on Thursday.”

Customer: “Are you calling me stupid? Don’t lie to me, you English b****! You’re all the same! I want my money back in the next hour! I’m never flying with you again! Your pilots can’t fly and they should learn to speak Italian!”

Me: “Are you suggesting out pilots learn the language of every country we fly to?”

Customer: “Of course! It’s common courtesy, something you English don’t seem to understand!”

Me: “Sir, we fly to hundreds of airports across the world. Instead of learning to speak languages from across the world, our pilots are making sure our passengers are safe on comfortable on every flight. However, regardless of whether you fly with us again or not, I can assure you that the money you were owed has been returned to you.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You don’t have nearly the same high standards as [Competitor European Airline] have!”

Me: *impatient now* “You’re telling me that all pilots at [Competitor European Airline] can speak Italian, English, Hungarian, Japanese, Finnish, Spanish, Mandarin, Icelandic, Arabic, Hebrew, Russian—”

Customer: *click*

(I got a warning for that call, but I didn’t care.)

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Should Be More Flight Attendant

| Working | July 16, 2016

(I am flying out of Chicago and, it has been a particularly bad day for flights, with many from Airline being closed for weather, despite all other airlines running smoothly. When I go to board I see this conversation between a flight attendant and a young kid:)

Kid: *waves hello wildly to flight attendant*

Flight Attendant: “Wow, you look happy to be flying. Most kids your age are scared!”

Kid: “No, I fly a lot. I’m excited!”

Flight Attendant: “Well, clearly you haven’t flown with [Airline] too often yet.”

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Sending Fraudsters A Clear Message

| Working | June 7, 2016

(I work for an airline online ticket sales back office. One of our duties is to profile online bookings in search of credit card scammers.)

Coworker: “This booking is a scam. I’m sure of it! It fits all the profiles!”

(Sure enough, the credit card used for the booking turned out to be a copied credit card.)

Coworker: “Here’s another one! And another! They are flooding in now! I’m sure these come from the same source. They all look the same!”

Me: “Can you handle it or do you need help?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. Let me see… Shoot, there are at least 20 of these! I gotta make them stop. I’ll send them an e-mail!”

Me: “You’re gonna do what?”

Coworker: “I’m gonna send them an e-mail”

Me: “Send who an e-mail?”

Coworker: “The scammers!”

Me: “How are you gonna send them an e-mail?”

Coworker: “There’s an e-mail address in these bookings!”

Me: “You really think that’s gonna work?”

Coworker: “Well, you don’t know if you don’t try! There, I wrote in it ‘Stop spamming us with these frauds’ and sent it!”

(We have a laugh together wishing it would really be this easy to fight the frauds and continue with our tasks. Then, less than 10 minutes later, we receive an e-mail to our team’s general e-mail.)

Coworker: “No way! It worked!”

Me: “What worked?”

Coworker: “The e-mail I sent to the fraudsters! We got a reply! It says: ‘Oh, ok :)’ and the frauds really stopped, too!”

(We printed that e-mail conversation out and pinned it to our message board. This is how you fight crime!)

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