Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

Me: “Er… good luck with that.”

This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

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(A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)

Airline Employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”

(The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)

Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”

Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”

Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”

This story is part of the Overheard roundup!

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Elderly Passenger: “Can you take my bag from the overhead bin and put it in the row?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re in the exit row. It must remain clear.”

Elderly Passenger: “Well, how about upfront by the door?”

Me: “No, that must remain clear as well.”

Elderly Passenger: “Just put it in the aisle, then.”

Me: “…”

(I’m a flight attendant doing my pre-takeoff check-in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.)

Passenger: “Is it okay if my camera is here for the flight?”

Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.”

Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?”

Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.”

Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?”

Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.”