Come Fly The Stupid Skies

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2009

(I am flying in first class when two women sitting across the aisle from me buzz the flight attendant.)

Flight Attendant: “What can I help you with?”

Passenger #1: “The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water.”

Passenger #2: “Yeah, and it’s also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk.”

Flight Attendant: “Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines.”

Passenger #2: “Can’t you turn off the engines?”

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A Tasty Threat

| Right | February 3, 2009

(At the security checkpoint, I observed a man walking up to the checkpoint with his luggage and a Tupperware container full of soup.)

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take that beyond this point.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!”

Agent: “Sir, you can’t take a container bigger than 3 ounces.”

Customer: “But it’s my soup!

Agent: “I’m sorry, but you either have to eat it here or throw it away.”

Customer: “But…it’s delicious food!”

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Not-So-Friendly Skies

, , , | Right | January 21, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, when does the non-smoking sign go off?”

Me: “It doesn’t. You’re not allowed to smoke on this flight.”

Customer: “But it’s lit up! The seatbelt light turns off, and I think I need a smoke.”

Me: “You’re not allowed to smoke on an airplane.”

Customer: “I can’t just go outside and smoke, can I? *points to an emergency exit*

Me: “Er… good luck with that.”

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Airheaded

| Right | September 17, 2008

(A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)

Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”

(The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)

Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”

Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”

Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”

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Just Throw It In The Cockpit

| Right | August 22, 2008

Elderly Passenger: “Can you take my bag from the overhead bin and put it in the row?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re in the exit row. It must remain clear.”

Elderly Passenger: “Well, how about up front by the door?”

Me: “No, that must remain clear as well.”

Elderly Passenger: “Just put it in the aisle, then.”

Me: “…”

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