Seat Location Scores A ‘D’

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I am a flight attendant and covering the rear doors on a large aircraft during boarding to help customers settle in. Seats are fairly simply set out using ABC-DEFG-HJK layout. A customer calls me from the far aisle.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s 38E?”

Me: “The seats are in alphabetical, so ‘E’ would be that one.”

(I point and smile, counting through the alphabet so he can see exactly which seats are which.)

Customer: *pointing to 38D* “so is it this one?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, no. It’s the one next to it. There’s also a diagram of the row on the overhead locker with the seats’ letters.”

(The customer nods and begins to sit in the wrong seat so I help him by patting the correct seat over the aisle, by the time I get back to my door at the rear of the aircraft two gentlemen are laughing between themselves.)

Gentleman #1: “I think your explanation was idiot proof…”

Gentleman #2: “But obviously people check their brains with their luggage!”

Me: “I’m so glad I’m not the only one that sometimes thinks that!”

(Those gents made my flight and I made sure they got some extra bits for making a painful flight bearable!)

Anything Goes Except Everything

, | Vantaa, Finland | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I work as a sales agent for an airline.)

Me: “[Airline], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “We’d like to go for a holiday somewhere.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. What did you have in mind?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something would be nice.”

Me: “Okay, would you prefer a city destination or rather a beach destination?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Anything goes.”

Me: “Okay, how long a trip you were thinking? A weekend trip or maybe a longer trip, a week perhaps?”

Customer: “Well, anything goes.”

Me: *getting a bit frustrated already, but still trying something to start with* “Okay, do you have in mind when you’d like go for the trip?”

Customer: “Not really. Anything goes.”

Me: *frustrated, but still very polite* “Okay, how about you go for a nice weekend to Stockholm next weekend?”

Customer: “Well, actually we had a bit longer trip in mind and to some bit warmer destination. With a beach. And it has to be in September because that’s when we have our vacation.”

Extreme Jumping To Conclusions

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(As an airline employee, you are eligible for staff travel. The airline I work for has the rule that you can only travel if there is a seat available at the gate. We are in Spain, and we already know that the flight is pretty full. We also know that the aircraft is a Boeing 747, and on such a short flight (a little over two hours) there is the minimum required crew on board, so there are multiple jump seats (flight attendant seats) empty. The colleagues decide to take us home on a jump seat. We are moved to different jump seats during the flight, because we are in the way in the pantry and in the aisles during the dinner and beverage service. The passengers see us walking through the aisle with our belongings several times.)

Passenger: “Hey… what is going on? Are they moving you again?”

Me: *joking* “Yeah, they have just found out they don’t have a seat for us after all, so they are now taking us to the back to give us a parachute…”

Passenger: *shocked* “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That is terrible!”

(We sit down in the back pantry and have a good laugh with the colleagues.)

Me: “Did she think I was serious? If so, she is pretty gullible!”

(After landing, we see the concerned passenger at baggage reclaim. She comes up to me, all cheerful and happy.)

Passenger: “Oh, how wonderful! You made it to Amsterdam! They let you stay on board after all!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 4

, | Dublin, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Technology, Transportation

(A customer calls to book a flight from London to Berlin. The aircraft assigned for that route had recently been changed from a jet-engine to a propeller plane. I am required to inform passengers when booking the flight.)

Customer: “A propeller plane? But if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!”

(I was momentarily silenced as I tried to work out how this wasn’t also true for the jet aircraft. The passenger eventually decided to chance it and booked the flight.)

Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3
Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

You’re Not In Kansas Anymore

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

(I work as a supervisor taking calls. In my center, I have the highest authority on the phones. My name is common in Spain, Greece, and India.)

Coworker: “I don’t know what this customer wants. She requested a supervisor, got me, and said I wasn’t good enough to handle the problem.”

Me: “Okay, send her through.” *transfers* “Hello, ma’am. My name is [My Name]. I’m the supervisor on duty, and would like to know how I can help.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor.”

Me: “I apologize. I’m unable to transfer you to anyone else. I am the top tier of support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to someone in the United States.”

Me: “We only have call centers in the continental US. I’m located in Texas, and am waiting to know how I can assist with what you were calling about.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I am from India. You sound like me. You’re from India and the law says if I ask to speak with someone in the US that you have to transfer me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I have never heard of such a law. I’m physically unable to transfer you to anyone else, and have been patiently waiting to know how to assist you. Please let me help you with the reason you called, or I will have to end this call.”

Customer: “Transfer me to who I was speaking with before.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I can not transfer you anywhere else. Now, either tell me what I can do to help, or you can call back if you no longer wish to speak with me, as I can’t transfer you. Fair warning, though. We currently have a 30 minute hold time.”

Customer: “I would like to know what time I leave tomorrow.”

Me: “You depart at 0430, and land at 0625. What is your next request?”

Customer: “That was all.” *click*

(Exhausted with dealing with the caller, I look over to the only other person who has the same level of authority that I do.)

Colleague: “Aren’t you the one who everyone always confuses with the recorded message because you have such a generic sounding accent?”

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