Refuses To Move From The Subject

| MS, USA | Bizarre

(I work at an adult store in the same building as a topless club. I answer the phone for both sides. As you can imagine, we get a LOT of prank calls. Having worked here for over a year, I’ve gotten the same people more than once. This guy in particular I’ve gotten three times.)

Time 1:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: “Yeah. I’ve been here almost all day.”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: “Um… sure.”

Caller: “What are you going to tell them?”

Me: “Move.”

Caller: “No, you tell them to ‘move b****.'”

Me: “Okay. Byyyeee.”

Time 2:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *it had been a while since the first time and I’d forgotten about him* “I guess?”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: *remembering* “I don’t like to give in to road rage.”

Time 3:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *immediately remembering even though it’d been a while* “Actually I love my job.”

Caller: “Yeah, but sometimes you’re just ready to go home.”

Me: “Nope. I love being here.”

Caller: “Well, I bet when you get off you’re just ready to get home.”

Me: “Not really. I love my job. I love being here.”

(He keeps trying to get me to give him his opening.)

Me: “I don’t really like driving at night.”

(I immediately realized my mistake but it was after midnight and I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.)

Caller: “Well if someone gets in your way—”

Me: “G** d*** it.” *click*

(Next time I’m telling him I live here.)

One Sells Cats, The Other Sells Cat-Suits

| Fontana, CA, USA | Top

(I am the assistant manager at a store that specializes in adult videos and toys.)

Customer: “How did you end up here anyway?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “How did you end up working here?”

Me: “I applied?”

Customer: “No, I mean, what’s an innocent little girl like you doing working at a place like this?”

Me: “Well, you know how people who love animals work at pet stores?”

(The customer has a moment of realization and becomes clearly flustered.)

Customer: “Oh…well, excuse me.” *leaves hurriedly*