I worked at an adult store, and I thought it would be dead on Christmas Eve. I was sure, even 100% positive, that I had dodged the retail bullet: the last-minute gift shoppers. Boy, was I dead wrong.

The store was the busiest I had ever seen that entire year, even beating out the days during the wedding season. I had regulars coming in left and right, along with people that were just buying last-minute gifts for their significant others.

The sales that night were so good that I got the highest sales because of that night alone, meaning I won the cash prize for the month of December. I had one big sale after the next, and we were pretty picked over by the time this incident happened.

[Rude Lady] walked in and started complaining immediately because we didn’t have carts, not even hand carts.

It was an adult store and a smallish one at that! We were used to people just coming in, grabbing a few items, and leaving. Someone using, or even needing, a cart was unheard of unless they were throwing one heck of an adult-themed party — and I mean a party to beat every other bachelor/bachelorette party in existence. Even those folks never needed a cart for their naughty little party favors and games.

So, [Rude Lady] brought everything she wanted to the counter, one piece at a time, complaining each time she did it. All she was buying were gag gifts, which were all on the same section of the wall. She started counting some loose novelty straws when she turned to me and unleashed her anger.

Rude Lady: “There are only forty-five here! I need fifty!”

Me: *With a retail smile in place* “I’m sorry, ma’am. If we only have forty-five, we only have forty-five until next Thursday.”

Muttering to herself, she picked up the box of cheap straws and all the boxes of more expensive straws. They had a more… realistic look to them and were sold in packs instead of individually. She put them on the counter, went back for a few more items, and then demanded that I ring her up.

I started to ring her up, and she turned to me, looking smug.

Rude Lady: “You are going to ring those boxes of straws up as the cheap straws because you didn’t have all the straws I needed.”

Me: “I can, indeed, ring one box of the more expensive straws up for a discount, but not all five.”

She went ballistic — over a few packs of naughty straws worth $3 each. After she yelled herself hoarse, threatened, begged, and even tried crocodile tears, she finally settled down.

Then, she spotted the hand-blown glass toys in the case on the counter.

Rude Lady: “I need you to unlock the counter and let me come back there to handle them so I can see which one I like best.”

Me: “I can’t let you behind the counter, ma’am. But I can hand you each one you want to look at.”

I handed her the first one she wanted to look at, and she promptly dropped it. It didn’t break, fortunately, but she smiled and apologized for her butterfingers. I politely tried to assume it was an accident, even though something told me it wasn’t.

That’s when she took the second one and threw it against the floor with all her strength, watching it shatter. She smiled sweetly at me and told me to finish ringing her up. Right, like I didn’t just watch her destroy a $300 item on the floor. I canceled the transaction.

Me: “Looks like you’re going to cough up the cost of what you destroyed, lady.”

I was no longer required to be nice at this point.

Rude Lady: *Still smiling sweetly* “The f*** I am. You ring me up for what I came in for — and only what I came in for. You will accept that the item I destroyed is your punishment for not giving me the discount I am entitled to.”

Me: *Mimicking her* “The f*** I am. You’re on camera, and we do prosecute here.”

It was at this point that another of our regulars made himself known. He had come in during her verbal tantrum and had watched the whole destruction scene unfold.

Staring at the woman, he said a name. [Rude Lady] spun around, and she turned white as a ghost. 

As [Male Regular] explained to me later, he was her boss. The straws were for the Christmas party she was hosting that night and that he was to attend. He had intended to buy a gift for [Rude Lady] for hosting it.

Male Regular: “I watched you scream at that cashier. And I watched you intentionally smash that glass piece!”

Rude Lady: *Voice barely above a whisper* “Sir. I can explain—”

Male Regular: “No, you can’t. Even if the cashier was treating you poorly, which I saw that she wasn’t, you had no reason to smash that glass piece. You are lucky that it’s Christmas. I won’t even fire you on the spot if you do what I tell you to do.”

[Rude Lady] was crying now, and her shoulders were shaking.

Rude Lady: “What can I do?”

Male Regular: “You are going to apologize to the cashier and pay for your items, including the glass piece you broke. You will then walk out of here, and you will never return to this store again. If you do not pay, this young lady will call the police and report it. Don’t think you are completely off the hook, either. We will be discussing how you act in public and how that reflects upon the company. Understood?” 

She nodded, tears pouring down her face. She apologized to me and paid for all of the straws and the glass piece. When she walked out of the store, so did he.

My mom and I were at the mall. She was looking for silk boxers because she finds them comfortable to sleep in, and she had tried many stores in the mall with no luck. While walking back to the parking area, we passed a “romance shop” that had a worker standing outside the storefront, and as a last resort, she decided to ask if they carried them.

Mom: “Do you have any men’s lingerie?”

The worker was clearly uncomfortable as she eyed me, a young teen who was most definitely not allowed inside her workplace.

Worker: “…well, we have a men’s push-up thong?” 

Mom: *Laughing* “Not really what I’m looking for, but thanks, anyway.”

I worked at a mall shop that sold adult toys. We had a policy that any sex paraphernalia could not be returned after the package was opened, for obvious reasons.

We had someone come in with a vibrator that they had haphazardly tucked back into the packaging. Even with it closed, the smell was intense.

We refused the return, and we had to threaten them with security before they finally left.

And we sanitized the counter really well after that.

My manager and I are opening our adult store in the mall on a Sunday. We tend to open late and close late (the nature of the business), so the mall is already quite busy when we’re opening. A woman is walking past with her family.

Customer: “Disgusting! You shouldn’t be allowed to have a store in a family mall!”

Manager: “We don’t allow minors into the store, ma’am, so your family is safe.”

Customer: “Your store shouldn’t be allowed to exist at all! This is a Christian country!”

She is waving around her Bible as it seems she has just been to church.

Manager: “Be kind enough to look up Ezekiel 23:20 for me, ma’am, and read aloud what the good book says.”

She narrows her eyes but obliges my manager. She starts to read the passage aloud but stops after a second or two.

Customer: “You’re disgusting!”

She storms off, as they tend to do.

Manager: *To me* “Word to the wise: when you’re in this business and you have to deal with the after-church crowd, it always helps to have Ezekiel 23:20 memorized.”

Me: “What does it say?”

Manager: *Without skipping a beat* “‘There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.'”

My mom will be so happy that I finally memorized a Biblical verse!

I work in a lingerie and adult store. Two women come in and set a lot of erotic stuff on the counter.

Me: “That’s $233.”

Customer: “Can we use this?”

They hand me a food stamp card. Not only that, but the name on the card is something like Xing Hua, and while I never try to assume with a name, both women are white.

Me: “That card is only good for food.” 

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

And they just walked away.