Her Opinion Is Chaste

| Antwerp, Belgium | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(A regular couple of ours has a deal with my boss: modeling some of the bondage gear, as well as testing items we’re not too familiar with, and in return they get an employee’s discount. The woman walks in and softly requests to see my boss. Once he’s out of the backroom, she bends over and whispers:)

Customer: “Hey, that chastity belt you wanted us to test? It’s comfortable, but the key broke.”

Boss: “All right. I’ll take it back, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’m still wearing it.”

(We got her out in no time at all, and pulled them off of the shelves because the boss didn’t trust the keys anymore.)

Refuses To Move From The Subject

| MS, USA | Bizarre

(I work at an adult store in the same building as a topless club. I answer the phone for both sides. As you can imagine, we get a LOT of prank calls. Having worked here for over a year, I’ve gotten the same people more than once. This guy in particular I’ve gotten three times.)

Time 1:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: “Yeah. I’ve been here almost all day.”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: “Um… sure.”

Caller: “What are you going to tell them?”

Me: “Move.”

Caller: “No, you tell them to ‘move b****.'”

Me: “Okay. Byyyeee.”

Time 2:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *it had been a while since the first time and I’d forgotten about him* “I guess?”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: *remembering* “I don’t like to give in to road rage.”

Time 3:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *immediately remembering even though it’d been a while* “Actually I love my job.”

Caller: “Yeah, but sometimes you’re just ready to go home.”

Me: “Nope. I love being here.”

Caller: “Well, I bet when you get off you’re just ready to get home.”

Me: “Not really. I love my job. I love being here.”

(He keeps trying to get me to give him his opening.)

Me: “I don’t really like driving at night.”

(I immediately realized my mistake but it was after midnight and I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.)

Caller: “Well if someone gets in your way—”

Me: “G** d*** it.” *click*

(Next time I’m telling him I live here.)

One Sells Cats, The Other Sells Cat-Suits

| Fontana, CA, USA | Top

(I am the assistant manager at a store that specializes in adult videos and toys.)

Customer: “How did you end up here anyway?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “How did you end up working here?”

Me: “I applied?”

Customer: “No, I mean, what’s an innocent little girl like you doing working at a place like this?”

Me: “Well, you know how people who love animals work at pet stores?”

(The customer has a moment of realization and becomes clearly flustered.)

Customer: “Oh…well, excuse me.” *leaves hurriedly*

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