Keeping Abreast Of The Book Filing

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2011

(I am looking up a book for a little girl.)

Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, my computer shows I’ve only got one copy of that book left. The display’s right over there. It’s empty, so that means someone else has it.”

(A helpful customer overhears our conversation and produces the book.)

Customer: “Actually, someone misplaced it. It was over there. Here you go!”

Little Girl: *to me* “You must be almost as old as my mommy if you didn’t think to go do that!”

Me: “Well, I could be. I don’t know. I don’t know how old your mommy is, sweetie.”

(The little girl opens her mouth to tell us how old her mother is, but I interrupt her.)

Me: “I don’t think she’d want you telling everyone how old she is, though.”

Little Girl: “Oh, no. That’s okay. She told my aunt on the phone this morning. After she sees the doctor next week, she won’t care if people know how old she is. They won’t believe it with her new boobies!”

1 Thumbs
3,185

Drop-Off(spring) Box

, , , , | Right | March 9, 2011

(I am ringing out a man and his son. He looks around five years old. He keeps pulling things off the candy racks and asking for them.)

Customer: “Stop, or I’m going to have to leave you here.”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “What would happen if I really left him here? Would you have to call the police?”

Me: “I think we have to.”

Son: “Can I get this?”

Customer: “No. Would you know how to get home from here?”

Son: “Yep!”

Customer: “D***!”

(He laughs, pays, and leaves. I make sure he has his son with him.)

1 Thumbs
1,790

A Tourist Traveling To Terror Incognita

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2011

(I’m working as the ticket tearer when two young kids come up and ask me a question.)

Kid #1: “Our parents were in a different movie. They said they would be out first, but they aren’t here. It’s been a long time.”

Me: “Okay, do you know what movie they saw?”

Kid #2: “It was the terrorists; they went to see the terrorists!”

Me: “Oh! The Tourist with Johnny Depp. That won’t get out for another ten minutes.”

Kid #1: “No, it was The Terrorist! They said there was bombs and gangsters so we had to see Tangled instead.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have that movie, so I’m sure it was the Tourist.”

(The kids walk away to wait. I overhear them.)

Kid #2: “What’s a tourist?”

Kid #1: “It must be the terrorists’ friends!”

1 Thumbs
2,032

Taking His Sweet Time

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2011

(A mother is shopping with her five-year-old son, who is lagging behind.)

Mother: “C’mon! We’re in a hurry!”

Son: “Mama, I was looking at the chocolate pudding. You know, you’re not supposed to bother me while I’m looking at the chocolate pudding.”

1 Thumbs
2,544

Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

, , , | Right | December 24, 2010

(A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Want to hear a joke?

Five-Year-Old Son: “Yeah!”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Knock knock.”

Five-Year-Old Son: “Who’s there?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Merry!”

Five-Year-Old Son: “Merry who?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

(I laugh.)

Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”

1 Thumbs
2,013