Warning: This Will Be Adorable

, , , , | Related | February 15, 2018

(My four-year-old son comes up to me with a fast food toy still in its sealed baggie.)

Son: “Need scissors, Daddy! Need scissors! Open this!”

Me: “Give it here.”

Son: “No, I open it. Need scissors!”

Me: “You’re not getting scissors. If you want it open, I’m opening it.”

Son: *pause* “Okay, here you go.” *hands it over*

(I go to pull it open and he stops me.)

Son: “You be careful, Daddy!” *points at the “Warning: Choking hazard” label on the back* “It say warning, so you be careful with that!”

Life In Cartoon Motion

, , , , | Related | February 15, 2018

(My daughter is two and a half. She has overheard her mother talking on the phone about how the bad weather will affect her commute the next morning, and decides to inform me about the situation.)

Daughter: “Daddy, Mummy stuck!”

Me: “What’s that?”

Daughter: “Mummy stuck in the mud!”

Me: “Why would you say that?”

Daughter: “Mummy stuck in the mud, and go, ‘HAAAYYULP! HAAAYYULP!’”

Me: “I’m not sure which is more weird; that you think Mummy has gotten stuck in some mud in the living room, or that you think she’s turned into Penelope Pitstop.”

Doesn’t Get Their Monkey Business

, , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(There is a black and white sample photo of four teenage boys hanging in the lobby of our studio. It’s supposed to look like a recreation of a photo from a Beatles shoot, and a lot of customers really like it and make comments about it. A mother and her six-year-old little boy are in the studio, and the mother is asking about pricing and what we can do for their photo session when they do decide to come in to get pictures done. Meanwhile, the little boy is staring at the “Beatles” photo, before he turns to me and speaks up.)

Little Boy: “Are those the monkeys?”

(At first it doesn’t occur to me what the little boy is talking about. I think he means actual monkeys. Apparently, his mother thinks the same, too.)

Mother: “Those boys don’t look anything like monkeys.”

Little Boy: *starts singing* “‘Hey, hey, we’re The Monkees!'”

(I am trying very hard not to fall over laughing, and his mother looks even more confused, because she has no idea what he is talking about.)

Mother: “What are you going on about?”

Little Boy: “They’re just monkeying around Mom.”

Mother: *shakes her head and turns back to me* “He watches way too much TV.”

Me: “At least he’s watching some of the classics. My mom would love his taste in music!”

(I finished answering her questions, and she thanked me, promising to be back when they have time to get their photos taken. As they were leaving, I overheard the little boy trying to explain to his mother who the Monkees were. Really made my day.)

No Poop Is Innocent

, , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2018

(Two little girls are in the woman’s washroom. Both sound like they are under six years old.)

Little Girl #1: “I have to poop!”

Little Girl #2: “Don’t say that; we’re innocent people!”

(It was all I could do not to burst out laughing in my stall.)

Falcon Royale

, , , , , , | Right | January 26, 2018

(I am a small child. I am with my family at a country park in the grounds of a castle on a warm summer day. There are some groundskeepers from the castle staff putting on a falconry display. They are flying them into trees then calling them back, having them chase a fake rabbit, letting the kids handle some of the smaller ones, etc.)

Falcon Handler: *indicating to the falcon’s leg* “Okay, see this little thing around his leg? Can anyone tell me what that is?”

(Silence from the crowd of young children, all looking a bit confused.)

Falcon Handler: “I’ll give you a clue. It’s in case he flies away and won’t come back. What do you think this does if he flies away and won’t come back?”

(One child of about six or seven years old slowly raises his hand, looking very uncertain.)

Falcon Handler: “Yes! You! What does this do if he flies away and won’t come back?”

Child: “Explode?”

(Turns out it was a tracker and not a lethal explosive escape deterrent.)

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