Impractical Jokes

, | Muskegon, MI, USA | Top

Me: “911, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes?! Hello! I live at [location]. My husband was stabbed by a madman! Oh, god! He’s outside my bedroom door! He’s knocking on it!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, a police–”

Caller: “What?!”

(Suddenly, there is a lot of talking and a bit of laughing.)

Caller, to someone else: “You ****! You scared the **** out of me! A prank?! I called the **** police! I could have gone to jail!”

Caller, to me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s a false alarm.”

Me: “Um, alright.”

Caller: “Actually, send over a cop car. I’m about to murder two men.”

Emergency Services Must Be Pooped

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I get dispatched to a call: ‘1 year old male, possibly crying’. We get on scene and the mother opens the front door with a happy and healthy baby in her arms.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Mother: “Well, my baby just looked terrible so I freaked out and called you guys.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. Can you tell me what happened?”

Mother: “Well it was right after dinner. He looked confused, turned bright red, and started crying uncontrollably.”

Me: “And when did he stop crying?”

Mother: “He just stopped right before you guys got here. I changed his diaper, and here we are.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think I know what the problem is. Your baby was just constipated.”

(At this point, the grandmother walks in the room.)

Grandmother: “You called 911? He had to poop! I told you he wasn’t ready for solid food! I’m sorry, guys. You can go back to the people who really need your help. I got this.”

The Crazies Always Come Out When It’s Overcast

, | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

Caller: “You have to help me! Someone has been following me all day!”

Me: “Can you give a description of the person?”

Caller: “She’s all black, taller than me, and no face.”

Me: “Ma’am…that’s your shadow.”

Caller: “A what?”

Me: “Ma’am, a shadow is seen as a reflection of yourself when the sun is at a certain angle.”

Caller: “Oh my GOD! It’s like a fairy!”

Me: “No, it–”

Caller: “OH MY GOD, EVERYONE! I HAVE A FAIRY!”

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”