Swimming In Audacity

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was the assistant to the retail manager of a swimming pool store. We sold, as you might guess, swimming pools and swimming pool supplies. Anyone that has the misfortune of owning a pool or working in the industry knows that pool chemicals are a big part of pool maintenance and sales, and every shop has its own line of products and they are always better than every other shop’s line of products, despite it really all being the same stuff.

One day, I was manning the store on the closing shift. It was toward the end of the season and things had slowed down that evening. A few minutes before closing time, I get a customer.

Customer: “Oh, good! You’re still open!”

I internally roll my eyes. We all know that line. It’s five minutes before quitting time, but I put on my best customer service smile.

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these chemicals.”

Me: “Hmm, okay. It’s actually store policy that we cannot accept returns on chemicals.”

This was true; there were signs up everywhere and it was written on receipts, as well. Customers in the past would purchase chemicals, use them, and then return them after filling them with water or other substitute materials. We had stopped accepting returns years and years ago.

Customer: “Oh… Well, can you make an exception? My pool just fell down and I don’t have any use for them now. I’m just trying to recoup my losses.”

I was feeling sorry for her like the sucker I was.

Me: “Okay… Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, let me see what you have.”

She plops several canisters of various pool chemicals on the table

Me: “These… are all open. And half-used. And they aren’t my brand of chemicals. You didn’t even buy them from me!”

Customer: “Can you give me anything for them?”

I fought the urge to get rude.

Me: “Sorry, can’t help you.”

This must have been ten years ago. I’ve moved on to a different industry and thankfully blocked out many of the painful memories of that awful job, but I’ll never forget the audacity of that customer, trying to return half-used chemicals that she didn’t even buy from me!