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Swear Goes The Neighborhood

, , , | Friendly | July 10, 2018

(I live in the country and don’t have many close neighbours. I do have a neighbour whose house is built almost 500 metres from my house so I can’t see or hear them. However, their driveway goes around the border of my house on the left and back, and is only about 20 metres from my property boundary at times. New neighbours recently moved in, and one day their children are playing on their driveway directly opposite my bedroom window. My bedroom window is open and, as I’m standing near it, I drop and smash a bottle and curse loudly. A few minutes later my doorbell rings.)

Me: “Hi.”

Woman: “Yeah, I’m [Woman] and I’ve just moved in next door.”

Me: “Great to meet you! I’m [My Name]. How are you settling in?”

Woman: “Everything was great until just now. I don’t appreciate you cursing in front of my children?”

Me: “I haven’t been near your children.”

Woman: “My children are playing in the garden, and they heard you curse just now. I do not allow anyone to curse in front of my children, and I am asking you to apologise and not do it again.”

Me: “So, you want to me to apologise for something I did on my private property?”

Woman: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Well, at least you said, ‘please.’ While you’re here: I was trying to nap just now, and your children playing outside kept me awake. I don’t allow anyone to interrupt my naps. Can you please ask your children not to play near my house in future?”

Woman: “No way! You can’t tell my children where to play in their garden.”

Me: “Exactly. Just like you can’t tell me how to speak in my own house. Goodbye.”

(And then I shut the door in her face. We never spoke again.)

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