I Swear They Couldn’t Hear Me

(I work in a call centre, handling insurance sales and service. It’s a quiet day, and a coworker and my boss are standing directly behind me, talking loudly about awkward customers. I am sitting with my headset on, but just doing paperwork whilst they speak. My boss describes a customer he’s taken a complaint from as a “Right c*** of a customer!” Sick of him and my coworker using my working space to chat instead of getting on with their work, I quickly and hurriedly started apologising about the language used by my coworker to a “horrified customer.” My boss and my coworker fall silent as I feign trying to calm a seriously offended caller. After a few seconds, I take my headset off and turn around.)

Me: “If that had been a real customer, [Department Head] would have had you both sacked for that.”

Boss: *still rather pale* “You… weren’t on a call?”

Me: “No, but our microphones are awfully sensitive. Bear that in mind before complaining loudly about customers on the work floor.”

(Both my boss and my coworker slunk off back to their desks and I got on with my paperwork.)