Caught Him Off Guard

(I am a party with my boyfriend, hosted by his family. He has three brothers, two of which have children. Niece #1 has brought her boyfriend over for the first time, and Niece #2 is an actress/comedian. It’s important to note that I am a very tall, muscular, and intimidating man, and Niece #1’s boyfriend is rather nervous. He is chatting with Niece #2, and I happen to need his attention.)

Me: “Hey, [Niece’s Boyfriend]!”

(He jumps about a foot in the air and backs away from Niece #2 very quickly.)

Niece’s Boyfriend: “Sorry, sir! Is there some kind of perimeter that I need to keep around her?”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Niece’s Boyfriend: “Aren’t you her bodyguard?”

Niece #2: “No, that’s my uncle’s boyfriend.”

Niece #1: “This is their 25th anniversary party. I told you that!”

Niece’s Boyfriend: “Wait, him? Really?!”

(He had really, honestly believed that I was Niece #2’s bodyguard for the better part of two hours.)