Sunscreen: Factor 40%

(I work as a lifeguard on a beach resort. The beach is privately owned, but there is no admission; the resort makes money off of vendors. No outside alcohol is allowed in the area, and any alcohol must be drunk in the bar. Absolutely no alcohol is allowed on the beach itself, but people try to sneak stuff in all the time. They think they are being sneaky by putting it in strange bottles, but it’s pretty obvious to us when you start drinking out of your sunscreen. I see one woman pouring something out of her sunscreen into a cup. I approach her and realize she reeks of alcohol.)

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave. We don’t allow alcohol on the beach.”

Drunk Woman: “What? What alcohol?”

Me: “In your sunscreen.”

Drunk Woman: “That’s sunscreen!”

(She picks it up and waves it in my face.)

Me: “Please show me.”

Drunk Woman: “I don’t have to show you anything. You work for me; I pay your salary!”

Me: “This is a free park. You haven’t paid anything.”

Drunk Woman: “I pay my taxes, and you work for the park!”

Me: “My salary is paid by the vendors, who ban outside alcohol. I need that bottle.”

(The drunk woman throws her bottle into the water.)

Drunk Woman: “F*** you! I don’t have any alcohol anymore; you can’t do anything!”

(I page security, and go after the flask, so a kid doesn’t get to it. Suddenly, she runs past me and frantically begins splashing around, screaming:)

Drunk Woman: “You can’t prove anything without the bottle!”

(Security attempted to stop her, but it’s hard to restrain someone in the water. She kept wriggling out of their grip, and managed to lose her swimsuit along the way. Eventually I found the bottle and held it up, and she came after me. I ran for the lifeguard tower with the drunk woman and security following. I climbed up the tower and watched as security chased her on the beach until they tackled her and hauled her away. Later, I heard the police charged her with public drunkenness and assault.)