Sugar Daddy

(I’m visiting my home town for the first time since leaving after high school 10 years prior. I’m in the supermarket with my dad, who is making a separate purchase at the same check out as me. The checkout operator—one of the bullies from school—notices on our credit cards that we share a surname, and are both wearing wedding rings.)

Checkout Bully: *staring at me in horror* “Isn’t he a bit old for you? What is he, like, loaded or something?”

Me: *linking arms with my dad* “Seriously sweets, the older guys have really got it all. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

Dad: “You seriously think I could pull someone like HER? Thank you very much; you just made my day. Still, you think you’d remember her name from school. She makes more money than her husband does, so she kept her last name.” *turning to me* “Were all your schoolmates that stupid?”

Me: “No Dad, just the ones still working the same jobs they had in school.”