Suffering From A Secretarial Disease

(I’m the stupid one in this story. I’m having a difficult day at work, I’m tired, and my arm is hurting. I call the doctor’s office to schedule an appointment. After a few minutes on hold, where my brain apparently takes a hike, this conversation takes place.)

Secretary: “This is [Medical Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, this is [My name]. I… erm… You need my social security number, don’t you?”

Secretary: “That would help, yes.”

(I give my social security number.)

Secretary: “Okay, [My Name], how can we help you?”

Me: “Well, my elbow has been hurting a while. I think it’s minor, but it just won’t go away.”

Secretary: “Okay, how long has this been going on?”

Me: “One or two weeks. But I think before that, I hit my elbow, and it was sore to the touch for ages.”

Secretary: “Well, we—”

Me: “It seems to have the full range of motion, but…” *the secretary tries to cut in, but I keep rambling* “…I lose nearly all my strength when trying to lift something away from my body with my arm straight.”

Secretary: *finally gets a word in* “I’m sorry, but the first available time we have is in two weeks, on [date].”

Me: “Two weeks? There’s an epidemic going down?”

Secretary: *not laughing* “It is really busy right now.”

Me: “Oh… Right… Let me just check my calendar. Right, that’s doable… Wait… You said two weeks… That’s… I’ve got time off from work by then, so I am free all day.”

Secretary: “We… uhh… We still only have that single appointment time, nothing earlier in the day.”

Me: “Oh… Right, right. I… uh… I’ll take it.”

Secretary: “See you then.” *hangs up*

Me: “Did… I just try to have the secretary diagnose my arm over the phone?”