Stupefied By Your Christian Values

(This takes place at Thanksgiving dinner with my fairly conservative grandparents.)

Mom: “[Sister], why are you mashing up all your food? And don’t put on so much gravy. You’re practically drowning your turnkey!”

Sister: “But my teeth still hurt from getting my braces on. I can’t really eat anything unless it’s… um… what’s the word? Soup-ified?”

Brother: “I think you mean liquefied. Soup-ified kinda sounds like that one spell from Harry Potter.”

Dad: “I think that’s stupefy. Isn’t that one of the attack spells or something?”

(I half expect my grandma to get upset that we’re talking about Harry Potter because it is about witches and magic, but instead…)

Grandma: “So, what you’re saying is I can tell that awful woman from church to soup-ify, and she can’t call me a witch because it wasn’t technically an evil spell, just close to one. [Grandpa], hand me my notepad. If I don’t write that down, I’ll forget it by Sunday.”