Strolling Into Reverse Bigotry

(I’m waiting for a bus with several other people. There is a lesbian couple who are getting quite affectionate while they wait. They have a young girl with them in a stroller. I notice the young girl break loose from the belt and climb out of the stroller, with the intent of petting a dog who belongs to another person waiting. As she climbs down, she manages to unlock the brake and the stroller starts rolling away from us and down the hill. There is a busy road at the bottom. I decide to tell the couple.)

Me: *tapping one of them on the shoulder* “Excuse me, your—“

Woman #1: *turn looking disgruntled* “Do you mind? We’re BUSY!” *turning back*

Me: “I just thought—“

Woman #1: *turning around again* “You just thought you’d try and stop us? Well, it’s not going to work. It’s a free country, and if I want to snog my girlfriend, I can. You just have to sit there and take it.” *flips me off*

Woman #2: “Yeah, f*** off, you homophobe!”

(They turn back to each other and start getting really into their session, to the point of mimicking orgasms. My friend, who has said nothing at this point, decides to intervene after we see the stroller get run over by a bus. Had the girl been in there, she probably would have been killed.)

Friend: “EXCUSE ME!”

Woman #1: “Another gay hater! Well, you can fu—“

Friend: “We just thought you’d like to know that your stroller, the one with your daughter in it, the one you should’ve been paying attention to, has just been driven over by a bus!”

(Both the women look to the spot where their stroller was and turn pale.)

Woman #1: “Oh, no!”

Me: “Your daughter’s fine; she climbed out before it rolled the hill.” *pointing to the girl and the dog*

Both Women: “WHY THE F*** DIDN’T YOU TELL US?!”

Me: “I tried—“

Woman #1: “No, you didn’t! I bet you wanted to see my poor girl die, just because I’m a lesbian! You make me f****** sick!”

Me: “What?!”

Woman #1: *getting out her phone and dialing 999* “F*** YOU!”

(My friend then grabs my head and smacks his lips against mine. I’m a guy, too, and neither of us is gay. He holds my hand after he stops. The women stare at us, dumbfounded, and we can hear the emergency operator trying to get their attention on the phone.)

Friend: “No, he didn’t. He was trying to be a nice guy. But you decided to s*** all over him with your vitriol.”

(Both women stare in horror at realising that we must be together before grabbing their daughter and fleeing down the hill after the stroller, which has now attracted quite a crowd. I turn to my friend. We’re still holding hands.)

Me: “I suppose that was one way to deal with the situation.”

(He let go of my hand and caressed my cheek before winking seductively. We then burst out laughing at how awkward it was.)