Strip Away The Line And He’s Just A Creep

(I’m on vacation specifically to see a new musical. I have a bit of time before the show, so I get a sandwich at a cafe and sit down at an empty table. A few minutes later, a man comes over.)

Man: “I can sit down?”

Me: “Sure.”

(He sits at the next table over. I keep eating my sandwich.)

Man: “You look nice. You are from here?”

Me: “No. I’m going to a show at Old Globe Theater tonight and I’m here on vacation.”

Man: “You look nice.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(He watches me intently for a minute.)

Man: “You remind me of my favorite stripper.”

(I freeze in mid-bite. I’m wearing a calf-length flowing dress with a cardigan over it. I’m trying to figure out what about this makes me look like a stripper.)

Man: “I want to take you home to the beach and feed you vodka.”

(He puts a hand on my arm.)

Man: “I take care of you.”

(I shove his hand off my arm and stand up.)

Me: “Not in a million years.”

(Needless to say, I finished eating my sandwich in a different section of the park.)