Strepped For Excuses

(I go to the university health center suffering from a severe sore throat. I’m fairly certain that it is a strep infection, as I’ve had it before and recognize the symptoms, and know that I will need to be prescribed antibiotics to cure it.)

Me: *barely able to speak* “I think that I have strep throat. My throat is incredibly sore and painful, my tonsils are inflamed and have white streaks, and my lymph nodes are really swollen.”

Nurse: “Let’s run a pregnancy test first. You can go in to this bathroom.”

Me: “No. No, thank you. That’s not necessary. It’s my throat that’s bothering me.”

Nurse: “You should take one anyway.”

Me: “Um, no, I won’t. Can you please check my throat? I get strep regularly, and I think it’s back.”

Nurse: “Fine. Open your mouth.” *barely glances in my mouth* “It’s likely a sexually transmitted disease. First we’ll test for—”

Me: “What?! No, it’s not! Please, can you just do the strep test?”

Nurse: “Don’t be embarrassed. STDs happen in college. Here’s a pamphlet on safe sex. I’ll be right back…”

Me: “WOAH, listen, lady. I’m sure you do see a lot of STDs in here. But considering that I’ve never even seen a d***, much less had one in or around me, I suggest you stop wasting both of our time and give me a strep test!”

(Surprise, surprise, it was indeed strep!)