Strangely Closed Minded

(It’s about 9:30 pm. A regular is in the store and I’m sweeping while he is browsing. A man opens the door and pokes his head in the store.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: *deadpan* “Yep, and that other customer over there is a figment of your imagination. You really should go home and get some sleep.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Regular: *staring at me* “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yep. I normally wouldn’t do that but I’ve had a long day full of stupid people like him and I didn’t think I could bear another without screaming or pulling my hair out.”

Regular: “That’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”