Stopping Scammers Is A Process

I get a [Telco] Technical Department scam call. I press one to get connected.

Scammer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello.”

Scammer: “How are you doing today?”

Me: “I’m doing fine, and yourself?”

Scammer: “I’m good. I’m [Scammer] from [Telco] Technical Department. How are you doing today?”

Me: “I’m doing fine, and yourself?”

This is not a typo. We really did go through this twice.

Scammer: “I’m good. I’m calling you today because over the past couple of weeks we have been receiving errors from your Internet connection, and—”

Me: “Sorry to interrupt, but the automated message said you were transferring me onto the [Network]?”

Scammer: “Well, yes, but we’ve also been getting error messages because hackers have gotten access to your Internet connection, and someone is using your Internet connection without your authorisation.”

Me: “How did they get access to my Internet connection?”

Scammer: “Because they have hacked your IP address and compromised your Internet connection.”

Me: “And how have they done this?”

Scammer: “The hackers know a process to hack your IP address.”

Me: “And what is this process?”

Scammer: “I don’t know. I just know that hackers have gotten into your IP address.”

Me: “I thought you said that you knew this process?”

Scammer: “Oh, my God, are you stupid?! I don’t know the process the hackers used. All I know is that the hackers have gotten access to your IP address, and unless we fix it, your Internet will be cut within the next twenty-four hours, okay?”

Me: “Okay.” *Beat* “But what’s the process?”

They hung up.