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Stick It To Them

| Working | July 31, 2013

(I’m a retired exotic dancer. I’m not a large girl, but I do have large… parts. I have just moved to another state, and have gone to a name-brand lingerie store. After looking for a few minutes, I find two employees talking at a counter.)

Me: “Hello, could you help me find a bra in my size?”

Employee #1: “We don’t sell your size.”

Me: “Hmm, okay. I could get them in-store where I’m from.”

Employee #1: “Yeah, we don’t stock anything higher than a D-cup here, because of fatties.”

Employee #2: “We can’t have fatties wearing our stuff.”

(This annoys me, as women look beautiful at any size, and these two stick figures have no idea of the power of curves. I retired at the age of 30 because of my curves.)

Me: “Fine. Where can a fattie like me get a DD-cup in this state?”

Employee #1: “Oh, you’re not fat; just a freak of nature, I guess.”

Employee #2: “There’s a great store called [name] a couple of miles from here. They stock your size.”

(I should have known, but I still drive out to the other store. It turns out to be a sail shop that literally sells sails for boats. I drive back to the lingerie store in an absolute fury. The two employees are snickering when they see that I am back.)

Me: “Your manager. Now.”

(Making a ‘ugh’ noise, Employee #2 goes to get the manager, who turns out to be another stick-like, flat-chested woman. I relate the story to her. She turns to her employees.)

Manager: “I told you two not to play that joke unless she’s actually fat! These are obviously implants!”

(The manager actually goes to touch my chest. I had spent the last ten years keeping people from touching my chest. The manager ends up on the floor.)

Me: “Thanks for finally noticing I’m not fat. Is this how all people in this state are?”

(I never did find a place to purchase a DD. I buy online now. I still can’t see a sailboat without becoming incensed all over again.)

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