The Standards Of Falling Are Really Falling

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I’ve been put through to a woman who would like to make a complaint about a department store of ours in the north of England.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I understand you would like to make a complaint?”

Customer: “I was assaulted in your shop. How much money are you going to give me?”

Me: “My goodness. I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Are you all right?”

Customer: “No. Just tell me how much money you’re going to give me.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t deal with compensation; I can only log the complaint and begin the investigation.”

Customer: “You can’t help me! Put me through to someone who can get me my money.”

Me: “I’m as high as you can go in respect of what you want. Once I log the complaint however, and it has been investigated, we will contact you to begin the next step.”

Customer: *sighs* “Okay.”

Me: “Thank you. Could you please tell me which branch of [Store] the incident occurred?”

Customer: “Why do you need to know that?”

Me: “We need to know where it happened so we can investigate. Statements and CCTV footage of the day the incident occurred will be sent and checked.”

Customer: “Oh, umm…” *mumbles*

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Customer: “…[Branch].”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I take the rest of the details and log the complaint. In general it’s a slipping on a wet floor where no signage was displayed, and, more seriously, the behaviour of the staff which injured her left eye. A week or so later I bump into one of our investigation team.)

Investigator: “Hey, [My Name], did you log the case for [Customer]?”

Me: “At [Branch]?”

Investigator: “We had the footage come in yesterday. You’ve got to see it.”

(He takes me into his office and shows me the footage. It shows a woman, presumably the customer, walking past a wet floor sign. She notices it, looks around, and produces a collapsible walking stick from her bag. She lays down on the wet floor, pushes the sign under a stand with said walking stick, and starts shouting. A worker comes and tries to help her up, and in the process the woman pokes herself in the eye with the handle of her walking stick. She’s eventually taken to the storefront and an ambulance is called, but she flees the store before it even arrives.)

Me: “…”

Investigator: “Ridiculous, don’t you think?”

Me: “She was hesitant in giving me the details.”

Investigator: “Well, here’s why. The store manager said she tried it a few years ago, but the cleaner hadn’t even started mopping yet. She just got back up and started shopping.”

(I haven’t heard much of the case since then, but I imagine a counter-case for fraud is being built against her.)

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