Spongebob Dumb-Pants

(In my science class, I am seated next to a kid who is notorious for not shutting up. He also seems to not pick up on sarcasm, unfortunately for my sense of humor. We are supposed to be studying for our finals, but this student is giving a running commentary instead.)

Me: *fed up* “If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to rip out your voice box.”

Talker: “But that’s a thing on Spongebob! It’s not real!”

(For the record, the episode he was thinking of involved a LAUGH box, not a voice box.)

Me: “Yeah… it is.”

Talker: “No, it was just a joke!”

Me: “Seriously? What, are gorillas not real either because they were used as jokes?”

Talker: “But it’s not a real thing, right?”

(I wish I could say this was the dumbest thing he said. Between believing that we could survive without the sun by using a bunch of blankets and heaters, and insisting that I convert to his religion without actually having partaken in its practices, this kid is a headache to deal with most days.)