Splitting Friendships, Not The Bill

(I’m eating out at a Mexican place with two friends. One is known to be stingy, but I decided it couldn’t be that bad and went to the restaurant anyway.)

Friend #1: “Choosing your dish is the most difficult one of all! I can’t decide between two of my favourites.”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t decide either.”

Friend #2: “Me neither.”

Friend #1: “You know what? We all choose a different dish and then we share! That way, we can have a little bit of everything!”

Me: “That’s a terrific idea! If [Friend #1] picks that and [Friend #2] picks that and I choose this, we all have what we want!”

Friend #2: “No”

Friend #1 & Me: “Sorry, what?”

Friend #2: “No, I don’t want to share. I don’t think it’s hygienic.”

Me: “You do realise that strangers touched your food in the kitchen while preparing it, and you think it’s not hygienic to share it with your two friends you’ve known forever?”

Friend #2: “Yeah, so?”

(Friend #1 and I decided to leave it be and share with each other instead, not wanting to spoil the mood. Then after a lovely meal, the bill appears on our table.)

Friend #1: “So, let’s split the bill in three?”

Me: “Sure. We roughly had the same prices on our dishes anyway.”

Friend #2: “No. I’m only paying for my own dish and drinks.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(Friend #2 starts to count her dish and drinks. Turns out that she had to pay €5 more when she paid for her own stuff than when we split the bill into three.)

Friend #2: “Never mind. Let’s split after all.”

Friend #1: “No way! You didn’t want to split; now you pay the price for being stingy!”

Me: “Couldn’t agree more!”

Friend #2: “But I’m almost broke!”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t have gone to a restaurant!”

(Best part was that when I was with that same stingy friend in a clothing shop the week before, I had to stop her from buying every single item in the store because she ‘needed it.’ So much for being broke!)