Sounds Like They’re On “Everything”

(My friend talks very softly while I have trouble hearing at times. I also tend to have trouble finding words or phrases (e.g. “Are you… food wanting?”), so together we tend to have a lot of “What? Oh, I thought you said THIS!” moments. We get off track easily, too. This is one of the train wreck conversations we had.)

Me: “You know those days when your body seems to be working against you?”

Friend: “No…?”

Me: “This is supposed to be the part where you agree and sympathize with me.”

Friend: “I haven’t really experienced that, though, so… Is it your back or your head or your everything?”

Me: “My everything.”

Friend: “We’ll need to perform an everything-ectomy.”

Me: “A what?”

Friend: “An everything-ectomy.”

Me: “Oh, at first I thought you said ‘an everything eczema,’ but that didn’t make sense, so then I thought you said ‘an everything enema,’ which made slightly more sense, but ‘an everything-ectomy’ ACTUALLY makes sense!”

Friend: “An everything enema?! Man, that would hurt!”

Me: “You’d basically have to turn inside out, because all of your organs are connected.”

Friend: “Oh, I was thinking everything in a cosmic or philosophical sense.”

Me: “Ooh, yeah, that’s even worse.”

Friend: “Of all the weird, horrific medical experiments I’ve thought of, this is one I don’t want to try.”

Me: “Good idea.”