Sorry I’m Not A Walking, Talking Google Maps

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Customer: “Are you the one in Ashford?”

Me: “Yes, we are.”

Customer: “Are you near [Car Rental Place]?”

Me: “Erm, no, I’m sorry; it’s not in the immediate area that I know of.”

Customer: “Oh, how do I get there?”

Me: “Where are you coming from?”

Customer: “[Area I live in, five miles away.]”

Me: “Oh, that’s a simple trip; you need to get either the 116 or 203 bus.”

Customer: “No, not to you. I know how to get to you. I need to get to [Car Rental Place].”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to get there; I don’t know where that is.”

Customer: *interrupts* “But it’s on the same road!”

(This is a major road, many miles long.)

Me: “I think you may be better off calling [Car Rental Place] and asking them for directions. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I know how to get to you.”

Me: *getting a little irritated* “If you can hold the line for one moment, I’ll ask my manager if he knows how to get to [Car Rental Place].”

(I ask the manager; he doesn’t know it. We try Google Maps, etc. He goes off to ask other staff members who are more knowledgeable of the local area; they don’t know, either.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we really don’t know where it is. You should be able to call them and get directions, though; I’m sure they’ll know better than we do.”

Customer: “What if I come to you? Can you tell me, then?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t know where it is. You should call them directly.”

Customer: “Can you call them?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, you’ll have to contact them yourself.”

Customer: “Oh.” *pause* “I can’t believe you don’t know where it is.”

Me: “I don’t pass it on my way in, and we’ve asked everyone else working at the moment and they don’t know, either. I’m sorry. Your best bet is to call them.”

Customer: “But I don’t know where they are. I know how to get to you.”

(It’s been over half an hour and I’m ready to call them myself just to get rid of this woman. My manager Googles the name and can’t find any company of that name, or any car hire places anywhere near us.)

Me: “I really am sorry we can’t help any more, but we can’t find that company locally to us at all. You will have to call them and find out for yourself.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay, then. It’s bad you don’t know. Thanks for looking, though.” *hangs up*

Me: “I’m never answering that phone again.”