Something Fishy About Why He’s Buying Them

A staff member calls me to the front to deal with an unruly customer. He’s trying to get his own fish while she’s helping another customer. He grabs his own specimen container bags from under our fish cupboard and has elastics already.

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “I want the buy-three-get-one-free fish.”

I can see he is high by his demeanor and behavior, but no big deal; people come in high all the time.

Me: “What type of tank do you have?”

Customer: “I just bought a reptile online and need to feed it.” 

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, these aren’t feeder fish. They are bred for pets and we can only sell them if they are going to be housed in the appropriate husbandry.”

Customer: “I don’t want your f****** feeder fish; I want these f****** fish.”

Me: “Sir, please stop cursing at me. I am happy to help you by selling you feeder fish for your reptile.”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you to tell me I can’t buy these f****** fish?” 

Me: “Sir, please stop cursing at me. I am willing to sell you feeder fish. These are bred as pets…”

Customer: “What’s your f****** name?” 

Me: “[My Name].”

Customer: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “You don’t need that, sir; they’ll know who I am.”

Customer: “Are you the store leader?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I sure am.”

Customer: “I’m f****** calling to complain that you wouldn’t f****** sell me fish.”

Me: “No problem, sir. At this point, I am going to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Oh, I am f****** leaving.”

Me: “Oh, and sir, when you call, please make sure you tell them you were buying these fish as feeders. And have a wonderful day.”

Customer: “F*** you.”

Oh, fine, sir. Tonight’s cocktail will be dedicated to your hungry lizard.