Something Fishy About That Bereavement Policy

I go see my boss in his office.

Me: “Hey, um… I just got some bad news. My uncle passed away. He lived out of state, so I’ll need a few days off to go to the funeral.”

Boss: *Without even looking up from the clipboard.* “Sorry, can’t spare you this week. We’re already short-staffed.”

We’re ALWAYS short-staffed, but anyway.

Me: “I understand we’re busy, but I was really close to him. I need to be there.”

Boss: “If we gave time off for every relative who passed away, we’d never get anything done. Where is the funeral?”

Me: “New Mexico.”

Boss: “See? You didn’t even live close.”

Before I can say anything, my coworker, who’s been listening from the next aisle, steps forward.

Coworker: “Hold on. Didn’t you take a whole week off last year when your cat died?”

Boss: “That’s different. She lived in my home. I saw her every day.”

Coworker: “So… you’re saying bereavement leave only counts if the deceased lived under the same roof?”

Boss: “I know what you’re trying to do, but it’s about the closeness! She can’t have been that close to her uncle if he lived in another state!”

Coworker: “Got it. Well, my goldfish just died this morning. He lived in my home. I saw him every day. I’m devastated. I’ll need a week off.”

The boss freezes, realizing exactly how ridiculous that sounds. There’s an awkward pause.

Boss: *Sighs, and turns to me.* “…Fine. You can take a couple of days.”

Me: *Pointing to [Coworker].* “But she wanted a week for her goldfish.”

Boss: *To my coworker.* “If I give her the week, will the imaginary goldfish go away?”

Coworker: “I think I could get over it…”

I got the week off. 

[Coworker] bought a tiny little coffin from Amazon and sent photos to the work group chat of the little goldfish funeral she held in her backyard. In case I need to point it out, she has never had a goldfish, but the funny updates gave me some much-needed relief during a tough week!