Something Doesn’t Compute

| USA | Working | November 5, 2013

(I get a call from ‘Windows Technical Support.’ Straight away I know he is a scammer.)

Scammer: “We have been monitoring the reports from my computer these past few weeks, and your computer is badly infected with many viruses.”

(I put on my confused old lady voice.)

Me: “Oh, dear, that’s terrible.”

Scammer: “Don’t worry; everything will be fine. I can help you eradicate the viruses right away.”

Me: “Oh, thank you so much! Now, which computer is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it is your computer.”

Me: “But there are several computers here; which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, your computer has been sending us a signal that it is infected with many viruses.”

Me: “But which computer was sending you the signal? You just said one, so it can’t be all of them. Which one is it?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the computer you will be using for the internet.”

Me: “But I use all of them for the internet. Which one has the problem?”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer, I will be telling you how to fix the problem.”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which computer it is. If it’s sending you a signal, you must know which one it is.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one you are on right now.”

Me: “I’m not on a computer right now; I’m eating supper. Which computer was sending you a signal?”

(There is a long pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But which one? Why can’t you tell me which one? If it sent you a signal, you must be able to tell from that.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, we just have the report that your computer is being infected with many viruses.”

Me: “Well, your report must tell you which computer it is, too.”

Scammer: “Ma’am, if you will just be going to your computer—”

Me: “But you still haven’t told me which one it is. Are you trying to fool me? Which computer has the problem?”

(There is a longer pause.)

Scammer: “Ma’am, it will be the one with Windows 7.”

Me: “But they’re all Windows 7 computers. Which one is it? Why can’t you tell which one it is? I think you’re trying to play a trick on me.”

(There is an even longer pause.)

Scammer: “Never mind, the new report is saying that your computer is fine. Good bye.” *click*

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