Someone’s Going To Be Sleeping On A Blue Couch For A While

I have worked in retail at the same hobby shop for twenty-two years. Twenty years ago, I had a customer come in screaming at me.

Customer: “You owe me a new set of kitchen cabinets and a new stove! This can of blue spray paint exploded all over my brand-new kitchen!”

Me: “Can I see the can, please?”

I took it out of the plastic bag. There was a large gash in the side of the can — pushed in, not blown out!

Me: “Do you have a blue steak knife, as well?”

Customer: “Yes, I do!”

Me: “Who opened the can?”

Customer: “My husband.”

Me: “The only person who owes you new kitchen anything is your idiot husband because he used a steak knife to open a can of spray paint.”

That took the wind right out of her. I went over to the paint rack and showed her how to properly open a can of spray paint. I even read her the instructions on opening it, too. When I popped the cap off, she jumped back like I had a rattlesnake in my hand and it was going to bite her.