Someone’s Causing A Big Stink And It’s Not The Worker

It’s a slow day and the lobby looks empty. One of my coworkers has just eaten her lunch on break, and it isn’t sitting well with her stomach. She’s feeling bloaty and achy. She and I are cleaning up the windows by the box office when she suddenly doubles over, lets out a strained, “Ugh!” and proceeds to let out a very quick, very loud fart. I laugh because it was so random and I wasn’t expecting it.

Coworker: *Chuckling* “Oh, my God, I feel so much better!”

Me: *Laughing* “That was so random, dude!”

A voice suddenly comes up behind us.

Customer: “Excuse me! That was disgusting! A lady should not fart!”

We turn and see a guy in his late twenties or early thirties standing there, fuming.

Coworker: “Oh, man, I’m sorry. I thought the lobby was empty. My stomach is just really not doing good right now.”

Customer: “That’s no excuse! A lady should never fart, ever! Especially in front of a gentleman!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

Customer: *Gesturing to me* “I don’t think I accept it! And you should be apologizing to him, too! It’s disgusting you’d fart in front of him.”

My coworker turns and looks at me.

Me: “Well, sir, to be honest… I know her pretty well, so I thought it was funny. I don’t really think she needs to apologize to me. But I’m sorry if it bothered you.”

Customer: “No, she should apologize to you! A lady should never fart, ever! Especially in front of a gentleman! It’s disgusting! They should hold it in! I’d dump her a** in a second if she farted in front of me!”

Me: “Okay, sir. She apologized to you. She doesn’t need to apologize to me. It’s all right.”

Customer: “No, it’s not all right!”

He ranted for several more moments and then proceeded to literally RUN to our manager’s office and scream at him about how “a lady should never fart, ever,” especially “in front of a gentleman” for about a minute straight before storming back to his theater. Later that afternoon, he actually called the theater and demanded to talk to the gentleman about, you guessed it… how “a lady should never fart, ever.”

I’ve never seen a fart cause so much drama before.