Someone Is Telling (And Eating) Porkies

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a large pizza with no pork; I’m allergic to pork.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What toppings would you like?”

Customer: “Pepperoni, bacon, ham, and sausage.”

Me: “You do understand that every thing you ordered is pork, correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just allergic to a lot of pork.”

(Thirty minutes after the customer picks up their pizza, I get a call from the same person.)

Customer: “I asked for no pork on my pizza, and it’s all over it, and I’m allergic!”

Me: “Okay, then, no problem. I’d be happy to give you your money back, as long as you have that whole pizza.”

Customer: “It’s gone. I ate it all already; I was hungry. I need another pizza for free, or my money back!”

Me: “Nope.”

(I hung up. I am the manager there. I’m not an idiot when people try to get free food. They never ordered from us again.)