Someone Needs Some Tips On Tip Etiquette

I agreed to bartend for a special event: a fiftieth wedding anniversary. It was a dinner, an open bar, and dancing with a DJ. We agreed to $250 per bartender for five or six hours of work, including prep and cleanup.

At the venue, there was a tip jar already on the bar top, which we decided to use. From experience, even at open bar events, guests like to leave tips for their bartender(s). Throughout the night, guests frequently left gratuities, often indicating they were for crafting their cocktails.

When the party began to wind down, the other bartender and I began breaking the bar down and cleaning up. We even helped clear tables and put away chairs.

At one point, we were both in the kitchen cleaning our supplies, and we left the bar unattended for maybe five minutes. When we came out to count our tips, we discovered that the jar was missing!

I went to ask the party coordinator about the missing jar and met her coming out of the supply room.

Coordinator: “Oh, I just counted the tips! I’ve divided them three ways between the two of you and the DJ.”

I was given $70; the other bartender got $60. We talked to the DJ the next day and he said he received $90 “in a wad of fives”.

I texted the coordinator telling her it was extremely inappropriate to take, count, or distribute bar tips without the consent of the bartenders. At first, she was apologetic and thanked us for all the extra help we gave. She gave us $80 via a mobile app to “make it up”. I said thanks and figured it was over.

Then, she began to text me telling me it was “their tip jar they provided and, therefore, the tips were theirs to do what they wanted with”. She called me petty and greedy, and she said she and her partner had talked to multiple bartenders who had defended their actions. 

I just blocked the coordinator and her partner, after having them send me essay-length texts explaining how unhappy they were with my attitude and that they “didn’t have to tip us in the first place”.