Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

(I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

Me: “Hey, guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

Customer #1: “Coffee.”

Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

Customer #1: “Well, come on now, dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do; be a gold digger!”

Me: “What?”

Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

Me: “O… Okay, I’ll have that right out…”