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Some Relatives You Never See Anymore

| Related | May 16, 2014

(My boyfriend and I watch my eight-year-old sister in the park. She refers to him as ‘ninja brother’ since he’s is incredibly good at moving fast and quietly.)

Sister: “Oh, no… [Bully] is here. He likes to pick on the little kids.”

(I look to where she’s looking and see an early-teen picking on everyone he can. He makes his way towards us.)

Bully: “Hey b****! What’s a sl** like you doing here with a kid like that?”

Me: “I don’t know who you’re talking to, but you should watch your mouth. Kids are here.”

Sister: “Yeah! Go away or ninja brother will beat you up!” *points to bench*

(We all look but my boyfriend has disappeared.)

Bully: “HAHA! Who?!? Ninja brother? You have an imaginary friend, you little brat?!”

Boyfriend: *grabs his arm from behind* “She said ninja brother, you little brat.”

Bully: *frantically breaks free* WHAT THE H***!? WHERE’D YOU COME FROM!?”

(What follows now is my boyfriend making incredible use of his agility.)

Boyfriend: “Haha! First… look at the kid.” *the bully begins doing what he says* “Now, back to me. Now, back to the kid. Now, back to me. Where’d I go? I’m still behind you. I’m gonna kick you’re a**!”

(My sister and I are laughing so hard at how calm he’s acting.)

Boyfriend: “Now, look to the ground, and back to me. What’s on your head? Nothing. I have your hat! Now, back to the ground. Now, back to me. Where’d I go again? Up in the air? Back to the kid. She has your hat. Now, back to me. I’m in a tree.”

(Indeed he is sitting in a tree. Upon seeing this, and everything else that’s happened to him, the bully runs away. My boyfriend hops down and comes back our way.)

Sister: “Yay, ninja brother!”

(We all start laughing until my sister stops suddenly.)

Sister: “WAIT!” *grabs her head* “WHEN DID I GET HIS HAT?!”