Some People Are Eggs-tremely Slap Happy

The day before Easter, my wife and I helped our kids make colored eggs. Some we dyed, some we painted. And others were just plastic with candy. My kids doodled little faces on them for fun.

On Easter morning, my wife and I went to my parents’ house because they live on the edge of the city, right next to some woods. They’ve got a good two-acre property with a few scattered apple trees, a garden, a play structure for the kids my dad hand-built, and some decent-sized bushes. Perfect for hiding eggs in.

We spent a good hour in the morning placing the eggs in clever but also easy-to-find places for the kids. We also invited a friend of my wife, who was a single mom with a little girl, to join in, and she was overjoyed that we invited her.

We took a little break to have a coffee and chat after hiding the eggs, as we’d planned to go out looking for them at noon since it was a little chilly that morning, but my mom suddenly came to us and said there was a lady with kids she’d never seen before hunting for the eggs in the backyard. Her kids were using the baskets we’d set aside for our own egg hunt; they’d been left sitting by the garden for when the hunt was to start, and those thieving little brats just took them without a care.

I told my wife to pull out her phone and start recording just in case. My wife and I have both dealt with entitled people before, and having video evidence can really help. We then went outside.

Me: “Hey! What do you think you’re doing here! This is private property!”

Uninvited Mom: “GAH! Don’t sneak up on me! What is wrong with you!”

Me: “What’s wrong with me?! You’re trespassing on private property and letting your kids steal our eggs!”

By this point, her two kids had run to hide behind her, and they were blowing raspberries at me.

Me: “Give those eggs back! They aren’t yours!”

Uninvited Mom: What’s wrong with you! They’re just little kids! I couldn’t afford to give them a good Easter this year! And when we saw all of the eggs you were hiding, I just thought maybe you could share. Besides, they’re just eggs! Go to the store and get more!”

Me: “My family lovingly colored and painted those eggs all day yesterday! And you will give them back! Or so help me…”

And then the woman actually slapped me across the face and stomped on my foot at the same time. I got bullied a fair bit as a kid, so it didn’t faze me nearly as much as she thought, plus, she couldn’t stomp or hit very hard at all.

I’m pretty sure she realized she had badly screwed up, because she started backing away.

Me: “Last chance! Return the eggs now!”

Uninvited Mom: No! We got them first!”

I was done with this crap and turned to tell my family to just call the police. The mom started shouting at me that we can’t call the police over some stupid eggs. My dad then went and blocked the side gate, which is how she had gotten in.

We don’t know how she was spying on us since she wasn’t even a neighbor to my parents, but when we refused to let her leave, she started screaming hysterically that we were illegally detaining her.

The police arrived in about ten minutes. By then, she had huddled with her kids on the bench by the garden. My wife showed the cops the video of her slapping me, and they quickly told her she was under arrest and forced her kids to give back the eggs and baskets. She started screaming that it wasn’t fair, and she just wanted a happy Easter for her kids. Her kids didn’t make things easy for the police either, as they tried to hit them for arresting their mom.

We made a few statements, and the police carted off the woman and her family. Then we rehid all of the eggs, which took longer because we had to double-check any places we’d already hidden eggs to see if they weren’t there. The kids were all super upset that someone tried to steal their eggs, too, and it took some work to calm them down, but they all still got their Easter egg hunt, and all was well.

That uninvited mom more or less got off easy. She pleaded guilty and got a fine. During court, I found out from her soon-to-be ex-husband that they were in the middle of a divorce that she had been intentionally dragging out. After court, we didn’t see or hear from any of them again, but I’d like to think that the situation gave the dad the edge he needed in the divorce. It’s become a funny story we like to share with people once in a while.