A Knight (While I’m) In Furry Armor

(My parents are having dinner at a popular pizza arcade; it’s also where my little sister and I work. They happen to be sitting within earshot of the following conversation.)

My boss, to me: “You. Go put on the [character] costume for [male coworker’s] party.”

Me, to male coworker: “Aww, I hate having to wear that costume. I just know those kids are going to attack me again.”

(My male coworker wraps his arms around my shoulder.)

Male coworker: “It’s okay, I’ll protect you. If any little kids come up to you, I’ll beat them up for you!”

(He starts to walk me back to the costume room and we pass right by my parents.)

Mom: *yelling* “Quick! Marry him now! Your father would never beat up any little kids for me while I was wearing a rat costume!”