Some Girlfriends Deserve A Halo

(My boyfriend and I are talking on the phone. He’s a massive gamer. I don’t play at all, but am very understanding with his gaming habits and prior commitments to playing.)

Me: “So, hopefully we should be able to see each other tomorrow.”

Boyfriend: “No! You sh***y piece of f***ing s***!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Boyfriend: “You’re a f***ing low life, sh***y scummy a**-hole!”

Me: “What the h***?!”

Boyfriend: “What? Oh, sorry; I was talking to the aliens. I’m playing Halo 4.”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, okay.”

Boyfriend: “I’m sorry; they keep teleporting away whenever I lower their shields so then their shields have time to raise again.”

Me: “That sucks. Okay, well—”

Boyfriend: “F***ING PIECE OF SH***Y S***!”

Me: “Right, I’m going to go now.”

Boyfriend: “I’m sorry.”

Me: *laughing* “No, it’s okay. Remember I told you at the midnight launch that you were going to dump me for Master Chief after the release.”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “Yeah… I love you.”

Me: “I love you too.”

Boyfriend: “I seriously do love you. You don’t F***ING TELEPORT AWAY WHENEVER I F***ING LOWER YOUR SHIELDS!”