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Some Backs Had Best Stay In The Back

| Working | September 11, 2012

(I’m the supervisor at a bar. It’s a somewhat quiet night, so I’ve been chatting with a pretty female customer. When I slip into the back room to get more ice, I run into my barback, who tells me how he wants to bend the customer over the bar and show her what a real man is. It’s clear that the female customer has heard the barback’s lewd comments, so I tell him to apologize to her.)

Barback: “Hey, my supervisor says I have to apologize, so I’m sorry you overheard me.”

Female Customer: “That is probably the most worthless apology I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Barback: “I ain’t gonna apologize for saying it.”

Female Customer: “Then allow me to be blunt. You will keep your hands to yourself, or I will break your fingers.”

Barback: “You can’t say that to me!”

Female Customer: “Actually, I can. Because you having your fingers broken is contingent on you violating my right to not be touched by you if I don’t want to.”

(At this point, another customer who is sitting next to the female customer joins the conversation.)

Other Customer: “She’s right, you know.”

Barback: “Oh, and all of the sudden you just know stuff?”

(The other customer flashes a detective’s badge.)

Other Customer: “Yup. Just like that.”

Barback: *to the female customer* “You stupid Irish b****! All y’all are sneaky little c***s trying to get us good American men in trouble!”

Female Customer: “You think the Irish are out to get you?”

Barback: “No! Women!”

Female Customer: “You’re single, aren’t you?”

(The barback thankfully got fired the next day, and the female customer and the detective are now my favorite customers; they come in together all the time!)

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