Sofa, So Bad

(It is 2015. None of our upholstered furniture pieces have a factory warranty on the fabric or the stuffing for more than one year. I take a phone call in customer service.)

Customer: “Yes, I bought a sofa set from you people, and the cushions are starting to compress.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need your phone number to look up your account.”

(I pull up her info and flip through all her bills only to find a sofa set purchased in 2007, which we haven’t carried since 2009.)

Me: “Is this the set you purchased in 2007?”

Customer: “Yes. They actually started doing this about four years ago. My friend said I should call you about it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid your warranty expired in 2008.”

Customer: “Well, if I don’t get service on this, I guess I won’t be shopping through you ever again.”

(Yes. That absolutely makes sense. About as much sense as me calling Ford and demanding service cause my 1979 Lincoln leaks oil.)