So Stupid You Could Stamp Your Feet In Frustration

I used to run a small team, and one of them was a notorious f***-up.

Me: “[Employee], I need you to go to the post office and send off some important documents, tracking and classified post, next-day delivery.”

He came back after a while and reported that all was good.

There was a frantic phone call the next day asking where the documents were, so I went to see the employee.

Employee: “It’s all good. I posted them fine. It must be a post issue.”

Me: “Explain to me every step of what you did.”

Employee: “I bought a stamp, licked my thumb, touched the stamp with my thumb, and then posted the letter.”

The employee, thinking he was done, put his hands in his pockets (one of his habits) and started to walk away. Then, he felt something in his pocket and pulled it out. It was the stamp.

Me: “Why is that there?”

Employee: “Uh… hmm. I suppose stamps are sticky, so it must have gotten stuck to my thumb when I put my hands in my pocket.”

Me: “Did you just… hallucinate the stamp actually being on the envelope?!”

Employee: “I… didn’t realise.”

Me: “Hold on, why did you buy a stamp? You shouldn’t have even bought a stamp; classified post is handled by the cashier.”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, what is classified post?”

Me: “So, now these time-sensitive and important documents are just sitting at the post office, no stamp and no tracking?”

Employee: “Uh… maybe?”

After several incidents like this, he was eventually let go. It became a running joke in the office after that, that when someone did something stupid, we’d say, “You’re so dumb you couldn’t lick a stamp.”