Smoking Is The Key To Looking Young

, , , , , , | Right | February 14, 2020

(Back when photo IDs are easier to fake, I am a cashier at a convenience store. The age to buy cigarettes is eighteen. A young guy who looks sixteen or seventeen brings up some soft drinks and snacks to the checkout.)

Me: “Good evening. Anything else?”

Young Guy: “Oh, and a pack of [cheap popular cigarettes] and a lighter.”

Me: *before I get the cigarettes* “Sure, I just need to see some ID.”

(He pulls out what looks to be a state-issued ID that almost gets me.)

Me: “Oh, wow. You have to tell me your secret.”

Young Guy: “Um… secret?”

Me: “According to this, you’ve just turned 118. I’ve got to say you look amazing. What’s your secret?”

Young Guy: *looking defeated* “Um… so, I guess no smokes, then?”

Me: “That’s right, and I’m sorry but policy is to permanently ban you.”

Young Guy: *with his head hung low* “Can I at least have the ID back?”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t do that.”

(He left the store and I passed it along to the police who regularly come in for coffee. Even they were impressed with the quality but had to laugh at the mistake.)

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