Slashing The Chances Of Dating An A**hole

(I have a coworker who’s friendly and cute, and we’ve hung out a few times unofficially. One day, I stop by his place on his day off to pick something up. He pats me on the shoulder as he walks by. His daughter, who is laying on the couch at the time, sees him do this. Once he’s out of the room, she props herself up on one arm and peers at me.)

Daughter: “Are you Daddy’s new boyfriend?”

Me: *unable to tell if this is a trap or not* “We work together.”

Daughter: “That’s not a no.”

Me: *hesitantly* “Okay, um, I don’t know yet. I guess we’re still testing the waters. He’s nice enough, so I wouldn’t object if he were interested. Would you?”

Daughter: *suspiciously* “His last boyfriend was an a**hole. Are you an a**hole?”

Me: “I… I try not to be.”

Daughter: *narrows her eyes* “You break his heart, I’ll slash your tires.”

Me: *studying her carefully* “I believe you.”

Daughter: “Smart boy.”

(With that, she lay back down as her father came back in. I officially asked him out later that week. Two years later, my tires remain un-slashed.)