Sins Of The Father

(I have gone over to a friend’s house after school to chill out before going to a movie later on in the evening. We’re watching TV in the lounge while my friend’s mum occasionally engages us in small talk. This is my first time actually meeting her.)

Mum: “So, [My Name], do you have a girlfriend?”

Me: “Well, not really.”

Mum: “Oh? [Friend] has a girlfriend. I thought this was going to be a double date.”

Me: “Well, I guess it—” *noticing my friend shaking his head* “—isn’t. Just some friends going to watch a movie.”

Mum: *eyes narrowing* “Hmm… what else?”

Me: “Nothing, just movie, McDonald’s, and home.”

Mum: “I don’t bel—”

Friend: *gesturing me to get up as he stands* “He’s gay, he’s got a boyfriend, and yes, it’s a double date.”

Mum: *eyes widening* “Oh, you’re THAT friend. [Friend]—” *while snapping her fingers* “—I thought I told you to stop being friends with him.”

Friend: *walking towards his front door* “And I thought I told you it was none of your business who I made friends with!”

Mum: “This is a Christian house and a Christian family. I refuse to have THOSE—”

Friend: “Christian? You have a pentagram hanging over the toilet!”

(We’re outside his house by this point and he slams the door shut. His mum doesn’t come out, but I can hear her kicking and screaming as we walk away.)

Friend: “Sorry about that. She isn’t the nicest person to get on with. And sorry for outing you like that. I know you prefer to tell people yourself. It’s just I’ve seen it happen before, and she’s relentless. I just try get it out of the way.”

Me: “That’s fine. Umm, are you ok with me not coming over again?”

Friend: *looking extremely apologetic me* “Sure. I probably shouldn’t have invited you, to be honest.”

Me: *trying to lighten the mood a bit* “A pentagram?”

Friend: “Oh, yeah. Whenever she goes into the toilet she says she’s dumping for Satan. F****** weirdo.”

Me: “Is she actually a Christian then?”

Friend: “F***, no! She just uses Christianity because it doesn’t like homosexuality. She used to be a right hippie before meeting my dad!”

Me: “She hates it that much?”

Friend: “No, she just doesn’t like one gay person. My dad came out when I was five, after realising he was gay after his stag do. She thinks he did it personally to scorn her. She really likes my girlfriend, too, so she doesn’t want me hanging around anyone who is gay in case I turn.”

Me: “Wow.”

Friend: “She tries to stop me seeing my dad. But I’ve been going over every weekend since I was old enough to use the bus. She tried claiming he’d kidnapped me once. The police were around and everything.”

Me: *speechless*

Friend: “She’ll probably calm down after I get married… provided it’s to a woman.” *winks*

(We both laughed. He ended up marrying his girlfriend, with me as his best man. While his mum was at the wedding she refused to acknowledge my friend’s dad, but was perfectly happy meeting my boyfriend, now civil partner. They’re barely on speaking terms with each other nowadays, though, since he moved away. I see her occasionally and she asks me how he is doing, but whenever I mention us meeting up to hang out she’s gets the same look of mistrust in her eyes. I often hope I never run into her.)