A Sign That They’re A Fool

(I get a lot of rude customers, and sometimes I just can’t help teaching them little lessons on manners and patience, mainly through over-the-top sarcastic politeness.)

Customer: *on phone* “I came to your shop a little while ago and you were closed. It says on the door you are open until five pm. Why are you closed? It’s very inconvenient and misleading.”

Me: *knowing that I had been at the bank about 15 minutes ago* “How long ago were you here?”

Customer: “About 15 to 20 minutes ago. I had to drive all the way from [Suburb about 20 minutes away] and you were closed. It’s very inconvenient.”

Me: *knowing that I had left a clear sign on the door saying “Gone to bank. back in 15 minutes”* “Was there a sign on the door or anything like that?”

Customer: “There was a sign saying you are open until five pm.”

Me: *knowing that if they saw that sign they HAD to have seen my bank sign* “Was there any other sign there, maybe where the open sign usually is?”

Customer: “Umm, well, there may have been one saying ‘Gone to bank’ or something…”

Me: *yes, you now realise you’re a fool and I’m going to make you admit it* “And did it say when the store would re-open?”

Customer: *amid sighs and grunts* “It said you would be back in 15 minutes.”

Me: *being super perky* “Okay, well that was 15 to 20 minutes ago and I’m back now, so the store has re-opened. We’re open until five pm so please come back any time before then. Have a good day. Good-bye.”