“Shut Up!”… Good One

, , , , , | Friendly | July 4, 2019

(My friend — a rather tattooed and pierced young woman — and I have stopped to pick up some food on our way home from shopping. We’ve ordered and are sitting patiently waiting for our order to be called out. Both members of staff are in the back making our food. The door opens and a schoolgirl walks in, wearing her school uniform half unbuttoned, her hair in a beehive tied with a leopard-print scarf, and a “Monroe” piercing.)

Schoolgirl: “Hey! How much is a steak burger? Hello! Hello! How much is a steak burger?! I want a steak burger!”

(One staff member comes to the counter to take her order. She seems satisfied until she spots me and my friend. At this point, about five of her friends have come in, as well, despite the fact that only one of them is ordering anything.)

Schoolgirl: “Oh, my God! You seem them tattoos! They’re nasty. That skank is going to regret those when she gets old. What is she wearing? She’s got some big-a** chunky boots on. Look at that thing in her ear! It looks like a snail.”

(My friend is wearing a pretty big ear stretcher. She’s sitting there, trying not to take any notice, but the girl just won’t let up.)

Schoolgirl: “Eww. She looks like Shrek! She looks like a devil! God hates people like her! I should slap her across the face with a Bible! Jack the Ripper would come back from the dead and kill you! He likes girls like you! You’re f****** trash! Do you live in a trailer?”

(I’m fuming by this point. It’s taking everything I can not to get up and slap her around the face. I’m not a violent person by any stretch, but I can see how much it’s getting to my friend. The girl then decides to start on me. I’m average looking. I’m wearing plain clothes and glasses and I have long, red hair.)

Schoolgirl: “Yeah, look at that other one! She’s got glasses like Velma. She looks like she’s from Scooby-Doo! Oi, you want a Scooby Snack? Where’s Shaggy? Is he your boyfriend? Where’s Fred? Bet he’s your boyfriend! She’s ginger like Daphne, innit?”

Me: “Why don’t you shut up and keep your opinions to yourself?”

Schoolgirl: “Oh, my God! She even sounds like Velma! Why don’t you shut up?!”

Me: “I’m not the one who walked in and started throwing my pathetic opinions around!”

Schoolgirl: “Shut up!”

Me: “No, you shut your foul little mouth. I’m not the one still in school who can find nothing better to do than drag all of my friends into one fried chicken shop to buy a single burger and harass anyone that looks slightly different from me. Your insults are juvenile and pathetic. And if you want to talk about poor appearances, then perhaps you should rethink that disgusting beehive of yours and take that piercing out of your fat mouth.”

(We collected our food and left whilst the girl was still screaming at me to “shut up.”)

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