Shrugging At The Idea

(I’m a full-time sales professional in the ladies’ department, and for some reason, customers have been real buttheads lately — even more so than usual. I’m covering for a coworker who’s talking with our manager about her goals and sales for the month, when a lady comes up to me, clearly irate. I’ve got a customer in line who is one of my regulars.)

Customer: “I demand you help me immediately!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’ll be just a moment; I am in the middle of a sale, but I’ll be happy to assist you with whatever you need.”

Customer: “Look, I’ve already talked to that other b**** who was over here earlier, and she refused to find what I needed. Quite frankly, I’m getting rather pissed off that literally no one in this g**d*** store will help me.”

(At this point my elderly regular customer is clearly offended by her language, and gestures for me to go and help this woman to get her to shut up. I put on my best Shining Customer Service face, when really all I want to do is tell her to please get out of my store and never come back.)

Me: “All right, miss, what can I help you find?”

Customer: “I need a shrug to wear for my father’s funeral to match the dress I’m wearing now.”

Me: *pulling a couple of examples off the four-way* “Okay! We have these he–”  

(Before I can even finish speaking, she cuts me off, grabbing them out of my hands and tossing them down.)

Customer: “I said I needed a shrug to wear, and that is not a shrug. God, you’re a f****** idiot! I need a shrug. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SHRUG IS? I NEED IT TO WEAR UNDER MY DRESS TO KEEP MY CLEAVAGE FROM SHOWING.”

Me: *goes and pulls a dressy tank top from the rack with one eyebrow raised* “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “YES. A shrug. See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a tank top.”